~Scatterbrained~

Mary Katherine, Mary Kate, a.k.a my kk :)

2010-05-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

GIRL!!!
Just wanted to give you a little shout out on how amazing you are! I really love to see the way you have grown and how you have let Jesus into your life. There is no greater reward in life than to know that your God is always with you. So many people grow up and mature and start making the right choices but it doesnt last. You are not only maturing you are doing it with the knowledge and relationship with Jesus. My desire would be that you let Jesus work in you so that you will be a light to your family and your friends because when they see the relationship you have with Jesus that gives you wisdom, and peace in times of difficulty, they will draw close to him. I know you are rockin a party dress and I just want you to know girls who love Jesus can wear cute shoes too :) I am so glad that you let me be in your life! Well I cant wait to FINALLY START BIBLE STUDY WITH YOU!! and I cant wait to hang out by the pool and grab starbucks talk about boys and girls that are well... CRAZY :)
I LOVE YA GIRL!! you are super PRESH And hopefully i wont ever have to have you be my lawyer :)

prayer

2010-05-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

I have been such a slacker on my praying, usually I spend the day lifting up prayers to Jesus on behalf of people and even if i miss reading my bible in the morning, I set before him my prayer list but i think it has been 2 weeks that I have not been giving much time to prayer.
I think most people don't pray. Even though we all say we will with good intention. The only reason I can think for not praying is an unbelief that your prayer will be answered. Even though Jesus led an example of a prayerful life and 1 John tells us we will receive whatever we ask. If we really believed that God listened to our prayers and really believed he would heal people in the hospital, he would save our families, he would give to us financially... we would pray much more earnestly.
I admit I get confused on when God says no to things I really desire for Him to say yes to. But who am I to judge the Lord's decisions??
Another thing I have been thinking is that..When loooking at my life there is such an abundance of blessing, things arent even good in all areas but they are blessed. To see my niece be baptized, to hear of my sister praying, to watch my papa's faith, Kingston's smile just everything, life isnt always good but it has definitely been blesssed. Im so thankful but why has God desired for me and my family to be taken so far? when others who love Jesus more that wouldnt allow 2 weeks to go by without laying things in front of them that are not as blessed. Like those in the bible mentioned in hebrews 11 who didnt shut the mouth of lions who loved God and were flogged, saints the world was not worthy of, Why is it that we have been so blessed even in downfalls? I dont know but im thankful and I guess i should be responding to my Jesus with some prayer...

get on it

2010-05-14T08:21:00.000-07:00

Live a life worthy of the calling you have received.
Awhile back i was told if you are between the ages of 18-25 and you love Jesus you are not in the norm, God is up to something, Our entire lives the devil tries to discredit the words our God has spoken over us. Then when we begin to believe our faithful God we still live lives like we are in the norm. As if our life is the same as someone who has not yet been adopted as sons and daughters. I was thinking of the story of the talents, and it made me look at my talents I was given,
I have been given a business that has many facets, I have an effect on employees customers and vendors,
I have been given seasons with younglife and it is a great joy honor and most importantly a privilege to just be able to try and convey the love of Christ to the kids. then being given nieces and nephews. Just looking at these I have been in entrusted with much and to which much is given much is expected. So not to the point of being overwhelmed but If I could only live the life that God would not look at what I was entrusted to and call me wicked but that He would say good and faithful servant. So I got to get on it.

somethings i am comfortable with... but i shouldnt be.

2010-05-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

Goodness I haven't had my camera since I lost a couple hundred pics of someone else's event. So when I needed to get my camera fixed after that happened I just threw in the towel on taking pics. I'm so sad I did that, now I have a broken camera and a lot of missed pics, I lovep pics because they help me remember stories, and I used to always admire Jesus creation and try to capture it through my camera. But now I just pretend I don't miss it that I don't care if I don't have the original of a pic... but I do... so the simple
thing would be to get the camera fixed and move on. But I have this intense fear I will loose precious pics again which is stupid cuz now I just miss everything... gosh I'm ridiculous so.. I have been thinking about this new relationship and I just don't know how to handle him being nice. Its like he is good to me and I would rather be in the brokeness of past screw ups, I can deal better with a broken camera then one that works and I can deal better with Mr. Wrong then someone closer to Mr. Right.... I think this all comes from sin. Its crazy how deeply sinful desires are in us. Put that with what the world has put my heart through. Then add what I did to my heart. And its just tough not to put up a brick wall. Brick walls around a city feel safe and a beautiful open field of flowers feels to vulnerable. I guess Jesus I'm still on the mend, guess I need to hang with u and Jude tomorrow. I'm so tired of boring and keeping your heart safe is boring, I know my heart belongs to u Jesus so u fix it u give it away you keep it close whatever you want. I chose to I give it to you for the millionth time because you are faithful and true and you say the greatest gift is love.
Well I will need a camera for Sunday justice is getting baptized I love that she has chosen you to have her heart. I thank you for her Jesus keep her in your perfect will.

Kingston

2010-02-25T15:51:00.000-08:00

its your Birthday!!! well tomorrow..... I'm so excited you are on this earth, you are a stubborn little boy who knows how to yell!! but you bring so much joy to our families lives. I can not believe you are one year old!! you are starting to look more like a little boy than a baby so quickly!! I have such a mix of emotion I want you to grow up and at the same time stay little forever. I love that you smile every time I walk in, it make me so happy. Your sister adores you even though you pull her hair and you will one day be having her drive you around... we will see if you dad lets that happen. Well little boy you are almost one!!! I love being a part of your life, never forget how much you are loved little one.

Goodness its been a year!!

2010-02-18T07:11:00.000-08:00

AHHH im old, Im 24. the past yr 23...
Feb karaoke birthday party... got Jude
March Kingston gets out of hospital!!
April decided to get a new casa, for the dog
May Blake graduated!! and went to annapolis to see tim and o ya...NAVY BOYs!
June Worked alot to get ready for new restaurant!
July New restaurant finally opens, bummed i didnt go to Colorado
August i dont like to think about how much i worked this month
September realized the closer i get to Jesus the more screwed up i am and how much in need of Him im in started studying Acts and the holy spirit
October Saw kristeen and was a peeled bananna for halloween
November Thanksgiving Love my crazy family, started studying song of songs
December weirdest month ever! jessica graduated!!!
January no more YL for me :( joined a gym WEIRD

there is too much work and not enough vacation well goodbye 23 :( the best thing about this last year was starting the new year knowing i'm in God's will and getting kingston

again

2009-12-14T22:17:00.001-08:00

Restaurant rant

2009-11-22T20:56:00.000-08:00

I used to not like working Sundays because It would make Sunday so much more eventful and i really perfer just going to church eating, drinking some coffee and maybe a nap...........
but these days i dont like working Sundays because the majority of customers are my fellow christians and im sorry guys but ya have got to step it up.
I deal with the most complaints around the same time people make it in from church. I deal with servers unhappy about working hard all sunday morning and making less tips.
Now i am so guilty of calling myself a christian and coming up short and im sure i have messed with people's view of Christ (forgive me father) but im a firm believer if you are going to want to show a christian to your server dont hand them a pamphlet, give them a good tip be nice and gracious if they make a mistake. you accepted jesus because you arent perfect, so dont expect them to be.
The gospel is only effective with love
It was Jesus who did not come to be served but to serve.... maybe if we served each other more, we would realize how difficult the job of being a server can be and maybe cut them some slack on Sunday.
I pray that Sunday would be their favorite time to work becuz when we allow the Holy spirit to live work in us.. Restaurants on sundays will be filled with compassionate, mercy filled, grace given, joyful, givers, who are brothers and sisters in christ loving the people of this world so that my employees and other people's employees would see christ in you and seek out the loving Lord.

not on facebook so ill update here :)

2009-11-19T19:13:00.000-08:00

So i got a list of 45 kids in foster care and cps that need help.
If you or anyone you know would like to help by donating a gift for a child 3 months to 15 yrs old..... let me know.... we can use all the help we can get!!! Hopes are that each child will get a toy (around $20) and an outfit!!! email me at wills869@aol.com for sizes and sex of a child you can help and prayer lots of prayer
:)

You are good to us

2009-07-30T22:03:00.000-07:00

As I arrive back from Metro, a church service for twenty somethings, I am overjoyed at the song we sang, The lyrics are God is good, our God is good to us.
Yes you are Lord you are good to us, you are good. You are the light that casts out darkness, you are the Truth, The God we long for and The God whose name is Emmanuel. You are good to us even before you were with us. Before I even think about myself I see your goodness and I am blown away. Then as I start to think of all the awesomeness you have done in my life, How you forgive me for my words, how you do not let my enemies rejoice over me, how you God have brought such good into my life. I praise you for all you have done and pray I will be grateful regardless of what tomorrow will bring, I pray my heart may be with you so that my treasure will be found only in you. I pray that pride is always expelled from me. That when i look to raise my own name that it will be covered and yours be great. I pray humility will let me rejoice when your glory has surpassed my breath of a life, that is all I know but you know can vanish in an instant, Love you Praise you Thank you

Blakey

2009-06-05T07:38:00.000-07:00

Blakey I love ya so much!! Proud of you for finishing high school, you are an amazing brother, Sorry for when I'm not the best sister. Sorry I dont like golf but i love the accomplishments you have made through it. You are truely a blessing to our family. I remember when you were 18 months old and our lives were shattered when we thought we may lose you. But you are a fighter and showed God's power, at a young age. I know i always freak when ya do stuff ya shouldnt but really I know you are on the right path and I am always here for you. You are an amazing uncle to your nieces and nephews they look up to you so much. Thank you for being amazing!! I \ cant wait to cheer for you as you walk across that stage
The luckiest sister Ever
Amanda

MUSIC

2009-06-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

Loving John Waller, he is like the taylor swift of annointed music, love listening to basically all his songs. like this one....

You are love
So I am love
You are joy
And so I am, joy
You are peace
So I am peace
Lord everything you are
Now becomes me

The line between
Where you begin
And where I end
Is gone, now I'm in…

(Chorus)
YOU, I know who I am
You're my true, born identity
I'm not the one I used to be
For now there is no separating
You…from who I am

You are strong
So I am strong
You are power
And so I am…powerful
You are mercy
So I am mercy
Cause everything you are
Has now become me

Anything less is not us
Anything less is not us
Anything else is not who we are

25

2009-05-06T10:50:00.000-07:00

Well 25...

1. I hate the gym I would rather go do something active like a dance class, some hiking, a lil run in the neighborhood and then go enjoy some mint choclate chip ice cream and watch the holiday or the count of monte cristo.

2. I think i should go to the theatre more

3. i love driving into houston just to take a walk, grab some vietnamese coffee and take pics

4. I love that Jesus is my boyfriend, best friend, he is honest and we go on dates and take pictures

5. the more I travel the more i want to go somewhere else, really feeling oregon and Italy are calling my name

6 i enjoy fishing and sad i dont have mornings on my pier anymore...Ike.. :(

7 i got a dog and a shotgun and i may need to trade the lexus in for a truck

8 my 2 nieces and 2 nephews are so important to me!! my greatest desire is they would live lives that desire Jesus above all

9 my sis is having a lil boy kingston in March, I can not wait!

10 i have walked out of movies if there is too much profanity

11 i love reading, and give books away after i read them

12 i dont like working but i feel greatly its my responsibility to be a good steward of what God has given me

13 i would love to go to Ireland and work in spreading the gospel there

14 I love my friends and I just hope they seek God and that they want His will for their lives

15 prayer is powerful and God is good

16 currently learning... blessings can be messy and churches need Jesus or they will easily lose the vision

17 i love being around people and hearing their stories

18 i gotta have alone time to rest in Jesus or i get overwhelmed and agitated too easily

19 my fav times are spent with phil wickham, nickelback or randy rogers in my car

20 one day ill finish the school thing and learn to use punctuation... maybe

21 boys annoy me when they do things i feel only girls should do

22 i will never do laundry and if i get married and the guy wont do it, he better make enough money to hire somone who will do it

23 Frontier Ranch is the best place on earth and colorado is awesome

24 im horribly inconsistent, always have sometheing to say and i am way scattered

25 I think a day is complete when you can think of something fun ya did and something ya accomplished and if ya come up short dont come up short the next day

we of liitle faith

2009-05-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

When I first prayed for Israel wheels had been set in morion for me to go. I felt that it was going to happen. As the trip approached news of war and border closings and killing spread like wild fire. I wasnt nervous after hearing stories on the news I knew if it was Gods will I would be there.
BUt Then......... I remembered my prayers to go and knew as I got on the plane If I made it to Israel I would have received an answered prayer. God really listened and did what I asked. Even before I asked he had it all planed out. As I thought of this instead of gratitude, a fear came over me, a depart from me for I am a sinful man, peter moment hapenned to me. I was like wow If he is real and He is always with me and He has the power to open boundaries between countries, to bring money, to bring destruction as well as peace. He is kinda scarier to be around, do we really want to be that close to Him??? Maybe the fluffy Jesus we read in children books, The God who is a vending machine at our will is much easier, Safer to move cose to. But that kind of god is not one that brings passion, deliverance, or stories of lives drastically changed. In the chronicles of Narnia it is asked if Aslan is safe, beaver replies, no he is not safe but he is good.
God is Just. He is love. He is a refuge
He is not safe. He has a radical need to destroy sin. That even caused death to His one and only Son. God is not safe He is not in a box we carry. But He is good. He is very good. He is far better and more good than we can imagine.

eyes on The Jesus

2009-05-03T17:34:00.001-07:00

This might not make sense... but ya..... Basically what is the deal with the rules that we place on each other??? Ok why is it we are so concerned with "Big Sins" Like if ya are a christian dont drink, if ya want to be a good person dont drink, If ya do you and God have issues. Or You murdered someone you are a bad person or ya have not murdered someone ya are a good person. Then if people have their "Big Sins" in check then they are good people... What happened to the greatest commandment being to love The Lord your God and your neighbor as yourself.
Now im not saying to drink or murder. But i wonder if satan uses these sins to hide over our sins of greed and selfishness and self righteousness.
Well as im talking about these thoughts with my yl girl we pass a strip club with dont drink and drive on there sign.
Like.... come in watch women dance for you. Enjoy your drugs. Demoralize our culture But Dont drink and drive
We are so easily ready to walk in and say i dont drink and drive GO ME!! and miss the fact of all the other wrong.
I guess in conclusion we all have what we think is right and wrong and each person wants us to fit their mold of their level of holiness and acceptability, which is rather exhausting
More reason why we need our own personal relationship with Jesus.
Not to say we need to ignore the big sins or be blind to lacking holiness
but shouldnt we search for our Jesus, let His holy spirit convict and teach us. Shouldnt we allow fellow saints to help us instead of falling into the constant trap of saying well my sin is not as bad as theirs

Whats new.....

2009-04-11T08:22:00.001-07:00

I should so be working right now......
my dog keeps waking me up 15 min before my alarm goes off....
got kissed at work... again... i should be used to it...
lookin for a casa...
me and the Jesus are going through a rough patch... my fault...
and basically its the same that all the other distractions start popping up! hmmm coincidence... think not.
See when you and your boyfriend friend Jesus are going through a time when ya pull away... Here comes all the counterfeits... at least im wiser to the evil schemes but not ready to bend those knees.....

lil less then a princess...

2009-04-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

AHHHHH it is that time when everything is YUK!! not good not bad circumstances JUST YUK!! Im tired and could barely get up. I got very angry at a little girl who was holding a sign for chocalate chip cookies but didnt have them yet!! O!! I was very unhappy and i conciously had to fight back an inner rage. It was the biggest fakeness ever! I tore my pants in the crotch and am now sitting at work on the computer typing training manuals with my jeans ripped open... it is very akward... but not as akward as (brace yourself i dont talk about these things) i was in the ladies room, without toilet paper so i started yelling pa-pa (grandma) help!!! im out of toilet paper!!! she brings me kleenex and when i walk out... the lobby is full of people and there I am standing with a torn crotch and a red face. I decided my hair could go without a wash this morning i was wrong... my shoes soles are falling off and i wonder why i thought i could walk out the house like this... I lost 2 rings that are really sentimental to me and goodness i do not feel like a princess, im feeling really unloveable today and at moments wanting my love, Jesus to even leave while i get things cleaned up im a lil gross ill see ya later....
But He did not call our names so we could do it all. He didnt pay the price so that we could pay less but that we would not pay at all! I'm reminded in our culture we get God so we can go from a shady life to a brighter life... and thats not it. we were in utter darkness before his light shined into our lives. We were covered in shame and grossness of sin. Yet he came to not make life better but anew!! He called us children when we were orphans. he called us loved when we were very unloveable...
And he calls us princess... So when we just dont feel we are princesses. He covers us in love so we can glady stand as a beautiful heiress. With the truth and the everlasting arms of Jesus that hold us through our moodiness. PRAISE JESUS we are the moody ones and He is not moody... Regardless of our "off moments" He is forever KING!! Thanks King Jesus for staying.. when i know im yuk and thanks for staying when i dont know im yucky.. and Thanks King Jesus for still calling me princess. Thanks King Jesus for your truth.

who we become....

2009-04-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

So a friend of mine said ya have a servant's heart, my reaction was not good I did not receive it. I got a resounding NO in my mind and I began to list all the ways I’m not a servant. When I should receive those words with joy. Jesus was a servant on the cross and as His Identity is put in us. It is a blessing to have His characteristics flow from us. We may not be a servant the way others are, like some people use serving as a way to show love. Others serve with making diners or cleaning or building or a long list of things I don’t do. I need to realize God says “you are a servant, when you pray for others, when you go out of your way to help and encourage, when ya drive a friend to work. These are servant activities that you do and you do them joyfully and that is good and that is My (God’s) identity shining forth through though you.” Numbers 6:27 says “So they will put my name on the Israelites and I will bless them.” When we allow God’s identity to come into us and His name upon us, He will bless through our changing to become people who will better show His abounding love.

home is where the Jesus is....

2009-03-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

It's nice to know that no matter where ya go, God will provide for the following steps. He will hide you in the cleft of the rock. He will be your refuge and bring you not only out of the storm but through it. Love you Jehovah Jireh . Jesus provides.

Kingston

2009-03-06T20:43:00.001-08:00

I'm so ready to hold him, I know I should just be praisin jesus that he is doing so well but all these people seem to be bringing home healthy babies and thats great but I'm so ready for my family's baby to come home. And there are people whose babies are having serious problems. and i'm feelin a lil selfish our lil guy is doing so well... But I really just want to take pics of him and babysit him, and hold him and feed him a bottle but all i do is go up to the hospital, wash my hands and arms for five minutes and then look at him and touch his hand pray Jesus stays with him and that he feels God with him and then i leave... and i would really like for him to come home, and not have all sorts of tubes on him... We love ya and want ya home and I wonder if it is how Jesus looks at us on earth... If he looks down and says child im ready for you to come home im ready for it to be fullness between you and I.. i wonder if he waits for us to be on the other side and his kingdom to come... who knows but I know im ready for our baby to come home.... :(

life's messy blessings

2009-02-26T20:59:00.001-08:00

So when I woke up today, I had a great time with Jesus, i got to my meeting early. i had everything on my to-do list all planned out. I had such a crazy amount of energy, It was great!! It was the first day in 4 days I had not spilt a drink on myself!! literally my coffee, corrie's coffee, some DR thunder on my friends new rent house's carpet and water at the restaurant!! even in israel I spilt stuff, then wanting to be running around when God let me get sick but it was a messy blessing cuz i loved sitting with him in that hotel room. anyways.. I had gotten a dog on my b-day and he hadn't thrown me off schedule today for prolly the first time!! i was ready to hang with my yl girl later tonight and really saw it happening.... but life came ....

My sister's water broke and for the millionth time in the last 2 months I'm behind. Of course it didn't matter, I would much rather see my nephew then anything at the restaurant. But we weren't expecting him for about 4 weeks and were very worried. My sis had a scheduled c-section but he decided he was ready now!! I didn't even get to hold him because he was rushed off to the NICU. He is so loved I hope he likes me cuz i already think me and him have a special bond. both born in February, we do what we want and i dressed cute today.. when does that happen!?!? But I really think Him and Jesus are going to be great buds. so nothing i have planned has happened but life has brought along a lot of messy blessings like when i came home to find my loving dog chewed up presents of mine, but then i got to have the sweetest time with justice i am blown away by Justice, She has always taught me so much about Jesus and as we talked today about God's love, not only did she understand but she prayed tonight and spoke to Jesus so beautifully and talked to him about the things we had talked about earlier, and about her feelings. I ended the prayer and said i love ya Justice and got up then she said "i love you and you too Jesus" so i said hey i love ya to Jesus, just forgot to say that, but it felt good to say it and i need to say that to the J-man more :) So stuff spills, nothing comes when its supposed to, plans get changed and dogs chew up stuff but God is good and it is so beautifully intertwined. so my control complex will have to stop giving me a headache and maybe ill enjoy one or two of the messy blessings.

cant wait to one day hear kingston say i love ya Jesus

if it isnt lost... its broken

2009-02-12T17:59:00.000-08:00

So I found a necklace, a beautiful glass cross I had gotten on vacation, it was so great I had a whole outfit to make this necklace make ya say wow... but as i looked at it, ya couldn't tell it was so amazing because it was shattered some time ago...

A while back this necklace was picked up by someone in a fit of rage and thrown into the wall, I ran over to the broken pieces and picked them up and left. My broken necklace revealed to me not just a beautiful necklace turned to trash but of a relationship problem that I had. It doesn't take long to give this necklace over to a jeweler to make a new necklace, but it is so badly broken it wouldn't be able to be the same, the pieces of the cross would have to be taken and made into something else or trash. But i just have some pieces at the bottom of my jewelry case haunting me at times....

Ya know as we look to the brokenness of our own lives. The problem isn't as simple as saying we missed the mark... its deeper... its a relationship problem. we don't even see we are making love with the adulterer and making war with the lover. So we have to get up, pick up all the brokenness and give it to the Jesus and he isn't going to make the relationship better. He is going to flip things around, maybe put somethings upside down and before long you will see the cross can even be made into something New. We don't need a better relationship... we need a new one! Ya have to give up all the pieces cuz even the smallest pieces of brokenness no matter how small are like glass and if ya have ever had a really tiny piece of glass get caught in your skin you know how badly that can hurt. The brokenness of your life must be taken by Jesus and made into something else or your brokenness will turn your life into trash

God stays here

2009-02-12T09:19:00.000-08:00

Tuesday night at bible study a LPM staff member Nancy came up to me with Sabrina and she told me that God had placed it on her heart to pray for me, I think they said the word solitude, and i answered well I had been in Israel.... I thought about it and I didn't get much alone time in Israel. You share a room and you eat meals in community and you ride buses when I always would rather drive alone. But It was good I enjoyed the go go go and the community and we got some times to sit alone which was a blessing. BUT I like to speak up!! all the time but especially to my Jesus and even if they are all Christians who love their Jesus, ya get weird looks when the Lord and you start laughing at what just came out of your mouth. Or ya get on a roll about a scripture and someone walking up right in the middle, ya just wont understand ya just don't want to give a background explanation ya just want Jesus and you to go somewhere with it.

well while in Israel I got really sick and stayed behind a whole day to sit in a hotel room. I was rather disoriented in the morning with the meds and didn't know where I was or who I was with I just got dressed and walked out wondering who's hotel room I was in. thankful I started remembering and went back to the room where some maids took it upon themselves to care for me. I got up and thought HEY its just me and you Jesus!! Lets go look at the Galilee!! So as my mouth and heart rejoiced my tired body made it to the balcony. Where my knees hit the ground as I thought of my Jesus. I heard Him say that He sat here along this sea and thought of me. Wow what a moment to know that God was a man, who walked on earth, sat along the sea and thought of me. Thankfully when I climbed back in bed in a hotel room His spirit had not left. As I got on the plane and returned to all that is the U.S.A my Jesus stayed with me. The same God of Israel, on a cross, is the same whose heavy presence comforted nights of tears, the same God who I enjoy swinging with at parks and the same God who gives me knowledge and wisdom of spiritual things and business things. So thank ya Jesus for staying with us. Thank you that you called people to pray for me!

While in Israel I got a ring inscribed is Psalm 95:7 -8 For He is our GOD the people of his pasture the flock under his care, If you hear his voice today do not harden your hearts as you did in quarrelling as you did that day of testing in the desert.

So long I knew He was my God but there had to come a time when the idols had to be removed. So he would really be MY GOD. and then that I may know I am a person under his authority and I have someone to follow kinda like how we followed guides all over Israel having to trust their way and words. That I am under His care and he will bring sweet people to lift me up in prayers and people who don't know me to bring me food so I will be comforted. As there were days of quarrelling with God, big times in the past and just those daily acts of killing yourself so he may live thru you. Days of testing come and go and the only way to get thru a holy test is with a Holy God.. EMMANUEL

I am amazed at the way you have spoken to me. well you have always been speaking, just help me to hear your voice as the ring I got in Israel says psalm 95:7-8 which you prepared for me before I knew how sweet it would go with everything... Let it be my prayer to listen to your voice.... Love ya Jesus thanks for staying with us before after and always presently. God stays here with us in our hearts, Bringing love into our hearts of stone.

Time to meet the parents.... (corrie's wonderful wording))

2009-02-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

Ya know when ya date someone and you meet their family. Ya love them so much you want to know where they hang out what they did etc. well I was on my way to Israel which right now is in a war and missiles were being launched 60 miles from where we were. That is like being in League City and hearing the galleria just got hit by a missile. So im in my car thinking… why are ya going to Israel ?? and I heard God say "we are going to the next level." Its as if Jesus is this guy I have been dating and He wants me to know more about him. So He invites me to meet his family go to his hometown see where he healed diseases, spoke in synagouges, walked on water, brought people back from the dead. I thought ok this is big, like when ya get this deep in a relationship breaking up now would be utterly devastating. So I followed my beloved to Israel.

Read John 8:3- 8:11

I just love this story the way God has the people look at him instead of her in her nakedness. With all the things she has done. He takes all attention and writes in the sand. These people came to condemn her and Jesus came to love her, I don’t think Jesus walked on this earth looking at everyone and saying look at all the ways you have done wrong, I don’t think he looked at this woman and said you dirty girl. He looked right in to her eyes and said I do not condemn you. Jesus came so that when the world comes to condemn you for what they think is wrong. Anything from brushing you off as someone who will never make it cuz you smoke pot or ya will never make it because you only made 3 A’s when you should have made 4 A’s or you will never make it because your parents couldn’t do it or your sister couldn’t do it.

Do ya feel like you are standing there with your stuff just laying out in front of everyone, just bored of life, tired of the church thing needing the God thing, do you have this image of God that says anything but love, Because Jesus is all about the love and when he looks at you he says child I love you and I don’t condemn you, I know what they say and I don’t join in. I know ya are bored and looking for love everywhere but me. Wil ya give it up and see that m that love and I want to go to the next level with you. Just as Jesus called me to go to Israel during a war. Jesus is calling you to step out and go to the next level with him but ya wont make it to the next level with him till ya get a small picture of the love I hope that you knowing he loves the adulterous, loves the dirty girl, loves the one criticized and condemned that you will know he loves you also. And his love for you will turn away all the stuff , all the people that just want to pick up stones to throw at ya

prayin in the holy land

2009-02-08T20:01:00.000-08:00

Israel... well it began with prayer, sustained and delighted by prayer, and came home with prayers.

The moment that i thought it could be a reality, to see where my love, Jesus, was born, had lived, gave up life for death and conquered the grave. I began a heart felt prayer to God, I was so needing to let Him know how badly i wanted to see his homeland before I died. As morbid as it sounds... sometimes we need to live with an awareness there may not be a tomorrow. If I made it there and back it would be an answered prayer. I wasn't nervous after praying, or nervous about the trip but i kept thinking about how i didn't want to die before I got back!

so before leaving I enlisted some women who love Jesus to pray for me and i was so thankful to be covered i their prayers

while there... there was need for prayers for physical heath, healing, perseverance and God to open eyes but my favorite prayer was sanding in the shepherd's field, where the shepherd's saw the star of Bethlehem. Everyone had left and it was just me and our hostesses, I went to her and she had tears in her eyes, usually i will let someone just be, but i felt the spirit move me. She said "Amanda i just want to see a star" immediately I began a prayer to God asking that she would receive a star. The sky was clear and I looked all over but no star. Leaving the field I walked ahead and she with her husband. Then i look up and next to the moon we had been looking at was a STAR!! A big bright star! I was so excited and ran to her to show her as she ran up looking for me! all I could say was girl He delights in you! i couldn't even shop afterwards! i was so moved by The Lord. God hears our prayers. He delights in us. We just got to come with prayer and go where the spirit leads.

being back home... prayer is still so needed, there were so many really nice, seemingly very moral, people who seemed like they should know Jesus but didn't. The majority of people have strict rules to get to heaven and are so confused when you ask about a love relationship with God. Let us pray for the salvation of people who have been deceived by rules when love is an open gate that leads to freedom.

Blessed

2009-01-11T16:45:00.001-08:00

So my papa's "friend" called her and said Tootsie you are so blessed, your family adores you, ya have good health, your always smiling, ya have a beautiful new house, you really are blessed at first i just swept over it, I know she is blessed. But things change when others actually say you are blessed.

Well today I just feel blessed, that God is just with me. I'm so tired from a busy weekend of work, and been waking up early and goin to bed late. but about a week ago I realized how these last 2 weeks have been more balanced, I have gotten to see friends, work has been rewarding this week, and about 4 people encouraged me on how good of a job I was doing and i have good health and have so many wonderful girls in my life.

NOW the best thing that has happened is this morning I talked to an employee about Jesus and she now knows the way into the kingdom, I think she prayed to accept Christ but people came up and she had to go and so did I... But Praise Jesus I will talk to her soon to confirm. Its crazy to meet a 27 yr old girl with 2 children one on the way, a husband and her just not know the way. God hep us to be a light!!! well I have been prayin a long time for another employee to accept Christ and he has finally agreed to meet with me and talk about Jesus!! so hopefully eyes will be opened and a decision to follow The Way will come. well today 2 yl girls went to church with me and they said they will come next week and that today spoke to them.

Well i better get to rejoicing and focus on not letting any pride in. for who knows what tomorrow will bring

God I pray your children feel blessed even when the sun doesn't shine brightly.

and that we always shine your Son brightly.

new years eve

2008-12-31T09:23:00.000-08:00

Everyone seems so happy today, sun is shining, cool breeze, kids are riding in wagons and everyone seems optimistic of what newness will come tomorrow. It's like college kids at the beginning of the year thinking this semester will be different. They enjoy new book bags and pens and excited for who will teach them and who will be in their classes. But then it wears off, we get restless, the clouds roll in and in Texas there is no release from the heat. The only assurance is the weather never stays the same for long.

Did ya know... Suicide rates are the highest in January, Guess the bills roll in, the resolutions are things we didn't do, and it is usually a cold gloomy month.

But for those of us who know Christ we have the pleasure of not having the newness wear off! Jesus' mercies are renewed each morning. He says... look for today I will do a new thing! We think because we hear the stories of Jesus a million times that He must be out of date and out of touch but He is our source for newness. He is Our Sunshine in this gloomy life, He is the one who directs us from darkness and into light, where sins don't trap us any longer and we are able to see things bigger than we could imagine. When I am unsure of God's newness I think of say- so at frontier, I think of people who have finally grasped the vision, I think of missionaries and how God robbers turn to be faithful tithers.

Its always the same prayer.. admit ya need a Savior, know that Jesus is the only way and grab on to him and don't let go! We get bored cuz we have heard it before, we have either passed that step or get too much knowledge to see the beauty that every time someone says it... a new party in heaven happens! a new resurgence of your own faith happens and there is just something so wonderful about seeing someone go from dead to alive! from no hope to full of hope.

Thank you Jesus for being new each day. So even if I sleep through new years and if January 09 feels like every other years January.. You Lord will be my newness, God, thanks for having ways and thoughts higher than mine and thanks for bringing things into existence that no eye has seen and no ear has heard that which you have planned for those who love you

Glory to you, God and HAPPY NEW YEAR 09!!

random

2008-12-30T11:56:00.000-08:00

Goodness I heard the most amazing testimony the other day! it is so great to hear how God uses His people to draw more of us to Him! what a blessing that God loves us and wants us!

not despite us but because of who we are

God's been teaching me....

we would all be better off if we would work to be commended by God instead of by man. Or even to be good in our own eyes. If we just lived everyday with a desire to please Him
Words hold life and death be careful with your words
there is usually a bigger issue we miss
God's grace is enough
you may know the right answer but God gives you words that get a reaction, a heart turned from death to life
love the ones who have wronged you
be faithful where you are
give God the glory
hold on to your joy
be content
dont hesitate
be satisfied and single
he is alive and active and powerful
everyone needs love from Jesus

Christmas 2008

2008-12-26T20:02:00.000-08:00

Second to Jesus... it is all about pictures on Christmas but i didn't have my nikon :( broken lens... and then all about the memories and the traditions that keep them alive...I think the only one we have is enjoying breakfast together, darwin spikes the OJ and my mom gets us stuff too big, broken, we already have or we already know what we are getting. But all in all its an enjoyable day. and next year ill start some new traditions..... heres what im thinkin....

gotta make some cuz ya know i had a fit wen i heard of other people's traditions

2009 Christmas

breakfast after opening presents with blake on the coach
opening pjs on christmas eve (did it when i was little...im bringing it back)
making a "Celebrate Jesus" cake
Christmas eve service at hfbc with corrie
picking my stocking holder (used to do it... but didnt this yr sad story)
putting up a nativity scene and tell the Christmas story (note to self buy a nativity scene and make someone read it)
end the day with hot chocolate and movie marathon.. home alone, the christmas story, and family stone

well next year regardless of the traditions that come and go... I'm excited we will have Kingston Martin Godeaux!!! He will be our bundle of joy about 9 months old when Christmas rolls around again.... and that will be the best gift

Help us Jesus

2008-12-26T19:42:00.000-08:00

Blessed is she who believes that what the Lord says shall be done

For nothing is impossible for God

How often we just get stuck in disbelief. That we hear God say He will do something or hear him say that he will make even our bodies do the unthinkable. Our response is he wont because we just don't believe. We like to read and say nothing is impossible for or with God but we don't believe it enough to tap into his power. Nor do we give him the hard prayers or the big dreams. So we give him little things.. situations still in our control. Then we become bold and think we did God a favor, at not giving him too much too handle. I doubt we will see His face and think he wouldn't have been able to handle it. I think we will be embarrassed that we didn't think bigger dream bigger and long for more....

What faith Mary must have had too believe That God will turn her virgin body into a womb holding the savior!

I have been asking this last year to see God as physician. He heals the sick, the lame, the blind, and the deaf in the bible. He is the same God, He conquered death.... cant we believe him too cure cancer?? To heal aging grandparents??? restore memories?? heal clogged arteries??? I think it is our disbelief that keeps us unhealed far more times than his refusal due to His purpose.

I wonder if we looked at our prayers... Have we believed God to do the impossible?

Help us Jesus to have a greater faith... A faith that gives us access to your power. That your glory will be seen throughout the world.

running

2008-12-21T22:12:00.000-08:00

Ever have a great running partner and after they are gone, so goes your pace, your direction and all the things you had distanced yourself from in the run came quickly upon you....

How long shall we run from where we are?? It seems to me many of us are in a hurry to get somewhere else. Running to the next high. The next place we will fall from. We don't sit and wait on the Lord, we would rather write down requests... Then we run from the goodness we asked God for. We run from our blessings because we get tripped up in burdens and wounds not yet healed. Start running hard for ourselves only to leave behind relationships that if we held tight would have been instrumental to free us.

How long shall we run to a place we don't know? In such a hurry to be the person we are trying to be, yet missing out on who we are right now. Just Running to a place where we have something anything only to find it never lasts.

God told us to stand firm and to run a good race but instead we sit in the sand and then we get up to early and we run. Soon we have run behind our own walls, that really just leave us defenseless... Sadly unaware of the world that is watching us. They see our God failing... when it is us who have run for protection that came from ourselves. We turn our own way and run to another place we don't really want to be. When do we stop running to and fro... Why don't we just let our knees hit the ground?

i guess its not about the run, the running, what you run to or are running from.
Whether you are running from Love, Marriage, Guilt, Shame, Family, Addiction Or running to... what looks like love, what feels like marriage, What removes guilt for a moment, What helps to forget your shame, running for a place that makes family easy or to an escape that is wrapped in addiction. It just doesn't matter.....When your knees dont hit the ground. .

and ya hear The Sweet Savior Jesus say to you, my princess, my prince my child, run with me. As your knees hit the ground you realize the pace at which to move, the direction to go and the things that have been chasing you, no longer overcome you.

When we Embrace Surrender... God can move and we can get to a place where we are able to run a good race with a finish line and not in circles any longer

need to study so ill blog... :)

2008-12-15T10:20:00.000-08:00

Just woke up... my lack of sleep finally caught up with me! one test tuesday and then no school till the summer.
update on Sunday bible study with the fam and some employees. 830 in the morning is so early yet somehow they make it. well somehow i make it and prepared!! they are suprised by that every week. Such a God Thing! This week they are challenged to memorize 1 corinthians 10:13. What was so neat is after reading the verse. Everyone talked about the verse and I didnt even ask them to. Which was encouraging, so hopefully they will memorize it!
Well i need to study so bad!
Yesterday I was going to study but ended up just hanging out all day, so my studying got pushed back. But it was prolly my favorite day in a while, devo that was so good, bible study, great church service, a yl girl and i shared our obsesson with the housewives, cookies with corrie and lindsay which means i decorated 2 cookies and played with linus and lucy the whole time, dinner was cooked when i got home, went and had dessert with a friend and then movie with linds and yl lady. God is so good.
well i need to remember yesterday cuz today will be filled with procrastinating studying and anxiety
welll off to study>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>YUK!!

by the way i must admit i have a love-hate relationship with this season

Isaiah 50:4

2008-12-10T10:30:00.000-08:00

In the morning time, with Jesus, He placed a verse on my heart.... Isaiah 50:4

When I got to lunch with Holly I told her each week we would bring a verse each week. Next week she would bring the verse. So at the end of the lunch I asked the waiter for a pen. He had many to choose from. Waiters love pens they get stolen throughout the day and they get pretty possessive and the best waiters always have a good supply of pens. I grabbed a note card and began writing the scripture down for Holly. So as soon as she returned to work she could start memorizing the verse. How great to have friend like me to give you work at work!! As this is happening our waiter comes by and jokes that I am writing an essay. we laugh and he leaves .I then decide I might as well create a second verse card for myself as I do this he walks by again and jokes that he should get an essay also. Holly goes what did he say? at the top of her lungs... so much for being subtle. As this writing goes on I hope you will fall in love with my friend Holly, as I have. Well I think he was being a bit flirtatious and wanting something a little different then scripture on his card. I'm sure he didn't know he was even asking for scripture! But that's what he got Isaiah 50:4 (NIV)

The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. and for him I through in a second verse This is the day the Lord has made rejoice and be glad in it.

I tried to quickly leave the card and pens on the table and get out without eye contact. But he was at the table when I finished So i gave him the card and gave holly a lets go now! and he looked at it and i wish you could have seen his face go from so happy to getting a card then puzzled and then a encouraged smile, As we sped out He stopped us and gave me a pen. It was an interesting sight Holly was closer to him then I was and was like Oh we get to keep the pens! I think he was just being nice, seeing as i had spent the lunch looking for a pen till i asked him for one. And I would need one later so Thanks Jeremy but no holly waiters don't just give away pens. (lovely Holly) Then it was raining and Holly was in nice work clothes, so I went and got my car and drove her to her car as she had instructed. Then as I dropped her off. I said he prolly thought he was getting a number and instead got Jesus! she busts out laughing, and says O you wanted to leave cuz you thought it would be awkward when you gave him the card.... I say YES HOLLY and she laughs and says O I get it! Well that's my holly.

The Sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.

This is the day the Lord has made Rejoice and be glad in it

Our Lord is the one who wakens us. The One whom gave even Jesus a tongue and ears that would be taught, we are not better than Christ. If Jesus needed teaching then we know we need it daily if not moment by moment for this scattered gal. Lets throw pride out the window today and get taught by Jesus.

Prayer:

Thank you Sovereign LORD for this day, I will rejoice in it regardless of what the day sends my way. Sovereign Lord I pray that you take my tongue and instruct it to speak your words to the weary. To keep grumbling and words of discouragement from my tongue. That my tongue would be full of encouragement, That Sovereign Lord my ears would waken to your voice and to no other voice. God I pray my humility would grow because I am taught by you Sovereign Lord. I know nothing without you Lord and God because you do know what Jeremy needs, I pray you lift him up today where he is and that these scriptures given to him impact his life because your word never returns back to you void.

WHAT JON AND KATE + 8 has taught me bout God

2008-12-03T20:18:00.000-08:00

OK if you have not seen the show Jon and Kate plus eight.... you are missing out. The cutest kids on the planet!
So basically i watched the show during some marathon and was hooked!! then i saw they were walking out their faith and i was even more in love with them!!
WELL I got busy for awhile and have not seen the show for a couple weeks. when I finally sat down again to watch it. I was so excited! I realized how much i missed the kids (how crazy)!!

I was thinking about how they had gotten so big, and even more precious! I was so ready to see Mady, who is so drama and i just love her and all of them for their big personalities. like Lil Leah Lil girl big personality. In fact I love the show because it is so easy for Jon and Kate (the parents) on the show to tell you specifically about each child.

So as I'm listening to Jon and Kate talk about the kids. I realized that is how God loves us! . A lot of times i would stop on my christian walk cuz God would say we must lose ourselves to find him and i was confused about what he meant. I didn't want to lose myself. But through watching the show God showed me how he loves us because of who we are! like Jon and Kate love Alexis and her love of alligators. She still needs them as parents to teach her things about what to do and not to do But they don't desire to take away her love of alligators. He desires us to be refined like silver, so that are personalities will shine and our time outs wont overshadow the great work he is doing in us. But Thank God he shows himself strong in our weakness cuz heaven knows ill be weak till he has perfected me! Jesus hand I have a long way to go but we have also come so far!!

www.sixgosselins.com

check out the show and see how cute Aaden is (ya have to see the episode where he is on the arm of a couch that has leaves on it and he says help I'm in a tree) and please pray with me Hannah never cutes her hair (Lil Hawaii) Cara seems like such a Lil rock and Collin is more organized then i will ever be.

Joel taught me something also.. He always says daddy's son, in a house with a blessed mess of children he knows.. who he belongs too! which is so awesome! so many of us have forgotten who we belong to!! Lord I hope these kids always know they belong to you and I pray Kate and Jon know they belong to you and I never forget I'm yours cuz God If we were not your children where would we go?!?!?

give thanks

2008-11-20T17:41:00.001-08:00

LOVE this picture even though it is poor quality it was a great time in Colorado!!

ok lets see what am I thankful for...

~ Thankful Im out of the pit of sin I was in!
~Thankful that God is crazily awesome
~ Thankful im teaching a bible study this sunday at work
~thankful im not sick
~thankful I have had some great books to read
~ thankful God isnt done with me yet
~thankful i have been seein my brother more
~thankful some of his friends may be going to frontier maybe him to! wow that would be a dream come true!
~thankful i have Teresa, she cleans my room and i love it
~thankful my mom does my laundry
~thankful I have a career
~thankful my teachers want to help with the restaurant
~thankful for frontier YL and the girls i have met
~thankful for mentors
~thankful i get to travel
~thankful for friends that love Jesus and me
~thankful i didnt argue with Darwin today
~ thankful i had a productive day
~thankful God has ordained it all
~thankful i had dinner with a yl girl tonight
~ thankful for sunsets and the smell of fall
~thankful that my sister is havin a baby
~thankful my papa is healthy
~ thankful for my dysfunctional loud family
~ thankful for eating around on thanksgivin :)

~did this in a hurry, well gotta get some restaurant stuff completed~

5 great things about my 40 days 1 thessalonians 2:4

2008-11-14T20:34:00.001-08:00

1) God said do it and I did it!! Obedience to God is definitely one of the #1 ways to get closer to Him. we must walk our faith out through obedience ( 2 timothy 2;19 says ....Nevertheless, God's solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: "The Lord knows those who are his," and, "Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.") to turn from wickedness we must be disciplined and we must obey

2) We are in a war. we are in a fight in two worlds
not believing in this,
not facing this,
not fighting to win,
is being an idiot.
whom has listened to teachers and men who think they are intelligent because they are smart in this world and are so being deceived. The devil's best defense is our disbelief in God and our pride.
The testing I had during this time was interesting, I think the devil wanted my focus on what I was giving up and God wanted my focus (as he does everyone) on Him. What He desired to show and teach was so much more then the small realms of what I gave up. I was showed through the use of C.S Lewis' book mere Christianity how pride and the devil are so intertwined. conquering pride is a direct blow to the devil, 10 points Jesus!! Having to believe... if I give something up or someone up, it is because it is God's decision and in that there is such a reliance on journeying through why He called you to this season.

3) Timing. God's perfect timing. when God wants to do something. He does it. we have such a need for more time then we waste it. God doesn't waste time. Now God is not in the constrictions of time as we are. Yet He is so much more aware and active in our time then we even our. yesterday.. day 39... there were some old boys that decided to randomly call and such and come by and text and I saw how God uses the time.In times of testing that is what it is. a time of testing and he will test until that time is over. (and I'm not believing that testing will be over when i say but i am aware that if he says you will be tested from here to there then you need to aware yourself) He is such a God out of our realm and yet in this world and so much better than we are at using this world... well he did create it. even when he was walking on the earth he did it better. he lived abundantly and with purpose and had all power and possessed humility. We get a little power and become prideful and with knowledge we get puffed up and forget the essence of Love. Wow Lord how you amaze and comfort me in how you can be you all the time

4) psalm 46:5 God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day
and that is just what He did. for one He helped me because it was His will I do this and He confirmed that He is within me and my only real need. Just that God would be with me and even more in me. speaking sweet words of love, touching my soul in such a way. isn't it amazing how beautiful we are physically when we have the anointing of Christ on us!?!? The world even looks upon us in wonder and amazement and wonders when did we start looking so good, and the answer is about the same time we chose to let our pursuer Jesus inside to heal and love and give us our worth, instead of the world giving us that which fades.

5) God taught me. He isn't done.
He who began a good work in me will bring it unto completion till the day of Christ Jesus (unsure biblical reference maybe Jeremiah maybe not)
Don't be content
keep working out your salvation
keep going deeper
actively love him with your heart
actively love with your mind
actively love with your soul
and know He is still up to something till He returns

Do not cease putting your pride in check

1 peter 5:6 says...Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,
if we don't take our pride and lay it before the Lord,
if we don't willingly lay down what gives us satisfaction in this world,
we can almost easily miss our blessing
and as a child of God I want my blessing.
I want the gifts that the king has protected for me.

heavy on my heart today

2008-11-14T07:38:00.000-08:00

My sister, adrienne I love her so much and Im so happy we have gotten closer these last years, She is a great woman, one of my fav memories of us is when her and I prayed on her wedding day, and when I saw a bible in her purse! God thank you for my sister! i need to learn to post pics, so you can see how beautiful she is! she is pregnant with her 2nd child Caybre ITS A BOY and i cant wait to meet Him I love him so much already!! I cant wait to see how God will impact my sister's life. She has such a sweet faith in the Lord that i just really loveand am encouraged by! I remembr hearing someone say your sis told me she became religous and that she was nothing compared to you, she also said you have helped her alot to become more religous.
now for one it was a great compliment, even though i cant stand people thinking im religous, its an ugly word but what really excited me is somewhere along the line she noticed I was livin different and then spoke out about it cuz she likes my faith in Christ and it is now something we can share. and for someone to say something nice about ya well is always a nice feelin. so thanks Jesus that my sister loves you and bless her day and her husband jeremy, her daughter justice (my monkey :D ) and the new addition to the family that God has given the world. Lord I pray they be in the world but not of it!!
p.s i have anoher sister Leslie love her and her childre also but today God has placed adrienne heavy on my heart
and goodness i woke up late!

so i call my grandma papa...

2008-11-12T08:09:00.000-08:00

So my papa is dating... its cute
and seeing as I have another week with exclusivity with Jesus
im not jealous.. of the fact hes a good lookin Jesus lovin man who takes her for nice dinners and ice cream and such..... but come next week when im back on the market... it may be a lil harder to not be a lil disturbed that my papa is dating more than me... haha
well all in all im so happy she has someone to hang with and to make her feel special and compliment her and it should give me hope that if dating Jesus exclusively till His return at least I can still find one by the time im her age (which im not allowed to say but the guy is way younger)

Puerto Vallarta

2008-11-11T07:25:00.000-08:00

stuff about Vallarta
~me and my friend Holly missed the flight there.... but got to Mexico by midnight after a layover in Mexico City
~Met some really cute kids
~tried jumping off a rope swing into the river... ya it was more of a flop, holly did great, prolly cuz she was posing for a picture at the time
~ slided down a waterfall
~ ziplined thru the set of the movie the predator
~went to a lil shoppin town
~ watched the sunrise over the mountain on our way to fish
~ I caught 2 dorado and a sailfish, Darwin caught a 400lb blue Marlin
~ on the plane home... I met these two 50 yr old guys and felt i should talk to one about Jesus but i was like God i need more time and then our plane that was landing,went back in the air!!.....and all i could say was... I like Jesus... and gave him a qoute and encouraged him to read yhe book i was reading... but i feel a lil like i got scared and kept too silent but ill just believe that God's guard was on my mouth for not saying to much and try to get better at having the saving spirit of the Lord flow thru me

well i need to get to work and i have so much HOMEWORK YUK!!

Don't get comfortable

2008-11-03T06:30:00.001-08:00

let us not get comfortable with this life, because at a moment it could be over, your things can be gone in a moment, the people in your life can easily be gone tomorrow and your chance to love them... and jesus to show himself through you....
lets resolve to not be comfortable because when we get comfy, we stay there and lets not stay here...... lets go to the nations and the neighbors with the saving love of Christ.

got stopped by a jehovah witness... Oh Lord I pray these peoples eyes be opened and they run from theire false religions and run to you The God of all, the king of kings, the Lord of Lords

Day 20!!

2008-10-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

Half way there!! oh my and today is beautiful a great fall day!!

I didnt even realize Jesus and I have been officially dating for 20 days now! i lost my lil Jesus wedding ring :( but i got an awesome ESV study bible from Jesus through Beth Moore and yesterday I spent time at the bucks studying, it was such a good time! I felt so smart. God is so good that He just makes ya feel good. when our enemies attack us and we set ourselves up for failure... The king comes in and saves the day! well its really pretty outside and Jesus blessed me with class being cancelled and i was actually prepared! talk about weird. Well God I pray my professor is healed from whatever the disease was that had him miss class.

I have signed up for a trip to Israel!! And my pastor is going!! I remember not growing up in church and hearing my uncle and aunt and kids at church camp talking so sweetly about their pastor. It was a privelage for him to be around and they always wanted his advice. I found it completely odd. and at the same time wanted to feel the same way, But I wsnt a church kid and as I got older I went to a community church where ya had to be one of the church kids to know the pastor and the youth minister seemed to more attainable but I didnt feel the way my uncle and others felt about their pastor. Maybe I was missing something... Maybe I just needed a smaller church or something... But since I started consistently going to HFBC and having the Lord speak to me thru my pastor's sermons I am beginning to understand the way people feel about their pastors. So when I got the chance to be Israel bound and to know only a small group was going and our pastor would be going for the first time also... I couldnt miss it een though it is a horrible time for me to leave work..... I really want to go and who knows when another opportunity to see the places Jesus as a man was and to be able to go with my church family.

well in desperate need of a shower and a lil date with Jesus at the park sounds like a great half way anniversary :)

procrastination= all nighter

2008-10-17T21:33:00.000-07:00

So the fact I have hardly any time to study... paired with when I get the time to study I fill it with procrastination... is a bit of a problem tonight.... cuz as I should be reading the huge stack of papers to my left... I am writting a blog and thinking about going in the other room and lifting some weights cuz these arms need to be toned....
in fact I get very athletic when studying and homework come around.... these last couple of days I have ran so much more than I had in the last couple of weeks, it started when my mind felt way clogged and I decided a run would help... and when it did help everytime i got near a school book i decided a run would be good....
and if a run is good...
a shower after will be good
then getting ready while listening to music...
but then ya need new music...
and then music makes you think of something that you should blog about
and then ya need to be a creeper on people's facebook pics.....
then its time for something on the schedule
and school gets pushed to the wayside.....
well im going to do some reading... write some essays and tone these arms up.... im sure one night of working my arms will make me quite less unathletic.

Books ya have to read......

2008-10-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

>>>>>The shack... fiction but great words of wisdom....can help ya through a difficult time while focusing on a relationship with Christ

>>>>>Redeeming Love.... based off of Hosea and God's romantic pursuit of us.... set in the 1800's it looks big like you could never finish it but really you can fly through it in a week it is sooo good infact some people have done it in one night

>>>>>Get out of the Pit by Beth moore so good basically get out of that pit....Live the life you were meant to

>>>>> a book you will actually read...(that is the title) is 4 books by Mark Driscoll.... they are easy to read and give great insight to how we got the bible

>>>>>Twelve ordinary Men... How the master shaped his disciples for greatness and what he wasnts to do with you... i liked learning wh these men were

>>>>>Blue like Jazz..... loved it....

>>>>>>His princess love letters from the king by sheri rose... read it and you will feel loved

day 6

2008-10-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

Texans game with amazing friends.....check
work.....check
study....kinda check
being reminded if ya desire to meet a guy, him fall in love with ya and marry ya...
first...
meet God...fall in love with Him and then marry jesus....
then the guy part...
we look so often at what others can do to complete us when really we need to have God affirm us and then affirm, encourage and remind others/your partner of who they are in christ and in turn you will grow as you help them to be centered on jesus
the other person will find freedom to be loved by God and then freedom to love you.

before sin... it was...guy got right with God, he didnt think he needed someone... a helper... but God did... (stubborn men) then when he was out of it, asleep (prolly the reason we always think they are out of it now) , made a woman who had God and the two of them became complete when together but after sin.... the God economy got messed up... and their minds got warped into thinking they could make it with out each other and eventually without God

day 5...

2008-10-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

Forgot to say.. on day one... I found a purple ring and it only fits my left ring finger... its now my lil reminder... im Jesus' princess and for now im only His :)
Well I got to see my friend Kat last night it was so enjoyable to see her. It has been nice to reconnect with my girls. Girls just need some good girl time.
So today
School till noon then...
I took my neice and nephew to paint pottery. I really thought my nephew was going to break everything... he didnt.... there was some screaming when they told him he had to leave it so they could fire it.... i think he thought they were going to take or break what he made.... It was my neice's birthday and i wanted to do something with just her.... but her dad decided to tell my 3 yr old nephew i was coming for him. If I would have known I would not have chosen a place full of things you could break!!! i loved spending time with him but i would have liked some alone time with my neice...I think sometimes she gets overlooked as just being a lil girl. Justiceis my crazy unstoppable Monkey :) and Coral is the full of attitude princess! well now im more set on her and i getting some alone time... I pray they will know and follow Jesus.... Sometimes I wonder how I will get them to really follow him and then im reminded I just live loving Jesus and the Holy spirit will capture their hearts!! I pray he does! they have both had divorce and unceratainty in their lives but God is the restorer and He will take anything they give up to him and heal brokenhearts and annoint their minds.
Ill post pics if i learn how... Well I loved that I was able to make time for them... then it was off to work... Which was enjoyable because I got to see my regulars but it was a lil stressful cuz it seemed people were really slacking. But nothing that cant be corrected.
well i got a cd to listen too and some sleep to get too... I prayed I wouldnt sleep well till this kid got saved and im thinking Jesus heard me cuz i havent been sleepin well..... well hopefully i get more persistent in prayin for his salvation... cuz God we need ya to save us and then to keep saving us so that we never live defeated but live as conquerors.

day 4

2008-10-09T18:12:00.003-07:00

Friday.... Guy asked me out today... He has actually asked me out before but I was too busy to really give him a chance.... and he wears affliction with matching hats and that is just annoying to me.... i prefer someone who may care what he is wearin but ya cant really tell.... superficial I know!
But anyways so we are talkin and he was like so how busy are ya now... ehh im not busy, but im not able to date for 35 days.... i kinda explained what I was doin but i dont think he really got it... he said he was independent, christian, cute... he may write down to call me in 35 days or just think im blowin him off... cuz really who dates Jesus (only).... haha...well... me... welll we will see...
But 1st test of a guy wanting a date.... I passed :)

day 3

2008-10-09T18:12:00.001-07:00

School and then spent forever in houston, im trying not to be frustrated with traffic and the process of opening a new restaurant but my God has perfect timing.
I went out to the lake took some pictures and spent time with Jesus. I got a book every girl should have!! it is called my princess and it is all these love letters from Jesus.
It is really perfect for this time in my life, I want to give God all the attention so I can notice the way he pursues me daily. and this book just makes me feel so loved, inspired and so excited to be a princess

day 2

2008-10-09T18:11:00.003-07:00

I finished the book common men, uncommon calling,
Its about the disciples and it really enriched my understanding of the disciples. Prior to reading it I had no idea who they really were. I found out they were not these guys that just turned from there old lives and it took longer than one day with Jesus to perfect them...
They were actually just men who had one thing in common when Jesus said follow me they did.

some brought Jesus to hang with sinners
some brought Jesus to their family
some always stuck their foot in their mouth
some were closer to Jesus
one let hate grow and became the betrayer

they were different from eachother and so much the same as people i know and myself

its really interesting to learn how they were so different and used by God in different ways to bring glory to His name.

I cooked for my family. Took a walk with Jesus and went to the park with him, it has been a long time since i have done that and even longer since I have been home in the afternoon and not for a break , it is so refreshing to find rest with Jesus

Day 1

2008-10-09T18:11:00.001-07:00

day1...
wake up... an hour late
leave house... with a mud mask on
come home... leave again
forgot school bag at the house.... had to turn around
stop and go traffic
radio said lil rain but reallly horrible rain
sat on the side of the hwy because the rain was so bad
turned around to restart the day
ran out of gas
got soaking wet
dropped my phone in the mud
slipped on tile
cut foot on broken tile
went back to sleep and restarted the day at 1030 am
with all this the 40 days should be a peice of cake!

but had a great lunch with my friend holly, we were just talkin and before i knew it we were encouraging each other, God spoke through both of us to each other it was great! I went in the prayer room to pry bymyself ended up meeting some great women that ill be praying with weekly! Such a blessing, great bible study and no stalker so all and all it was a good start to the 40 days

40 Days

2008-10-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

So heres the deal... this last month I have not been making the best of decisions and just slowly not choosing what I know is better, and not some big sin has been oppressing me but I have just had a time of setteling. Just not going for what God has made out for me.

let me back up and get these thoughts together...

This Sunday God was moving I woke up early picked up 2 girls and headed to church and the day before that morning and during the service i really felt God's conviction on an issue so I released it to him. Then after pizza with the girls I felt the need to watch some Sermon on forgiveness and realised I had a lil unforgiveness in me I had to get rid of. Then I spent time with Jesus at a restaurant. This guy and girl were sitting far from me but they talked loud so of course that means you should eavesdrop... He was talking about all this spirituality stuff (hate that word by the way) but basically he would go away at times to spend time with God and He could really see Him in nature... Im like wow that girl got a decent one... and then he commented on the face she made and she is like well.. i just think we should be good people... the rest of thier God talk was really akward for me then he started talking about his past jail experience and her about her present jail experience, I was so mad at this guy for being on a date with this girl. for no other reason then HELLO yall are not evenly yoked! Then I realized God was showing me how the guys I date are not evenly yoked with me... like they are fun for a couple dates and then they want stuff im not given and I want stuff they dot know how to give. Then i met Corrie about my decision to not do a younglife and it went well, She spoke truth and understood my desire to just get back to God and just take some time to just really seek him out. Not that I had gone off into a pit of sin but just to take a step back, release some things from my schedule, and start enjoying dates with Jesus, and growing deeper relationships. In church the pastor talked about how mature christians move from following people to following Christ. I have followed Corrie and Yl for awhile but I have to really follow God and give Him the ability to change what need be, now i so still need guidanceand direction from my mentor and friend corrie! God really uses her, like i say God really told me this and she will say I prayed that for you during the service and im like Wow thats weird cool crazy and maybe a lil freaky,
But God didnt stop teaching me I went to starbucks and spent another hour with him I just could not get enough of His presence. Then I went to a movie Just me and Jesus not sure if that makes me cool cuz going alone is independednt or a freak by worldy standards cuz i was so feeling Jesus was with me, I even put on earrings that matched what i was wearing to look cute. ok i weirder the before! Well I watched this movie about a marriage and though I have no parents going thru divorce or engaged or even a boyfriend, a cried the whole time, bawled like a baby, like I dont cry over real things but some movie about Jesus love being shown thru a marriage and im a bawling mess of a girl. i met a maried couple before going in and they said bye to me when they left and i was like good thing i have the earrings on cuz the puffy eyes put up hair and drenched shirt was not so cute. i was so glad I was just with Jesus and I got out at like 1 am so no running into someone I knew!

Well after I left I was like goodness Jesus what is the deal with all the emotion today! dont be givin me this need for emotion tomorrow im so not in the mood but at the same time i felt more free than I had before and Jesus showed me how I have been to the movies with all sorts of guys, ones that must smoke before and after the movie, ones that just want to kiss ya and make ya feel so akward you fake being sick to get out of the movie and ones that ask me to go get them something or text during the movie and sadly theres etc... But He revealed His healing process to me....He brought me the truth thru my friend, he brought conviction by His holy spirit and showed me what i was doing thru others and he took my movies that i had let get messed up and turned them into the most wonderful date ever. When I think of just running with reckless abandonment to Jesus I dont need to have the devil or myself put hurdles in the road.

So with all this said... I realized I gotta take full advantage of my new freetime from not doing yl and do what I set out to do and I cant take the chance of letting a guy who isnt flat out blown away by Jesus in when i myself havent allowed Jesus into the depths. Really i dont even want a godly man right now(well if God wants to give him ill receive him but not right now) I want my prince charming, my Jesus so.... for the next 40 days Im off the market, no giving my number out (though i did start only giving it only after asking if they had a relationship with Jesus except the last time i chickened out and ended up getting myself into a major pickle) no dating! Just 40 days learning to let Jesus pursue me. I know very well the kind of guys i like and dislike my girls dating. Like I got some high standards for them and at times really high standards for myself but sometimes i get bored and say ok to a night out with mr wrong so tomorrow is day 1.

Im thinking ill get some dating sermons, not cuz i want to be dateable but because I want when i get back in the dating pool be more knowledgable on Godly dating. Im looking to go deeper with jesus, preparing for a time of testing, of really getting in his word, him really getting in my heart and hoping that this 40 days helps to mold me into more of a woman who is healed by Jesus and get more comfortable as someone who just knows regardless of how much I do The Lord loves me greatly.

rambling

2008-10-05T11:42:00.000-07:00

The devil is a lot of things....creative is not one of them.... The deveil comes into our live with sin only to kill steal and destroy.
Sometimes we leave the doors to our hearts cracked as if that is the same as them being closed. And the devil seaps into the cracks not healed by Jesus (YET GLORY TO GOD) and goes to the recently healed hurts to remind us there was a crack there. I just imagine the devil being loaded down by sin and throwing it at us and we have the choice to boldly close the door so he can not get in or we can keep the door cracked and let him roll our sins right back to us. God doesnt want us to be weak and wayward to sins we have conquered but stand boldly and let Him work on the details of perfecting us but instead we look at a list of dos and donts and wonder what we can get away with, at times we close the door to our hearts with Jesus inside and other times even though He is in our hearts we leave the door open just a crack in case a lil thing we used to like to do can still come in... occasionally of course... but the problem is Jesus and sin wont sit well together in the same heart and when you are being pelted by a million lil sins you cant stand strong on the firm foundation of Christ
basically through all this rambling my advice to you and to myself is to be careful with what you let creep into your soul and hearts and minds because with the small sin... will come the theif who wants to steal kill and destroy when God has given you such good why do we take what He has given us and let the theif defile it, God has given us the Holy Spirit we have the power. But many of us get depressed by the fact the Holy spirit is convicting us of a change we need to make when we should be on our faces thanking God that we are still His sheep who know His voice, dont be afraid of how God will change you and dont be ashamed of your sin before God but rather be sickened by your sin and give it to God and dont try and take it back let it go and let God be God each day

restauranting

2008-10-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

Its 1230 at night I cant sleep and im finishing tasks that I told myself I would get done. Today is menu changes and it is such a tedious process, at the same time i forget what a taco is... I forget what time our Lunch specials start and end then i forget how to spell taco cuz all the words start looking wrong! But we have to make some changes, with the economy being how it is and the fact I did not put an item correctly in the menu the first 20 go arounds so it has to be made wrong and I hear about it everyday! Tomorrow is school in the am and then off to learn first hand how to get a liqour license , I have already found its so tedious everyone and your mother has to approve. We have had some great times at the restaa

Prayin

2008-08-23T13:52:00.000-07:00

So... I must admit I was doin a lil slackin on prayin... But I'm back on track! It seems there have been people askin me to pray for various things and more than normal. Well the other day I started Prayers for the faithful and I prayed for the missionaries in Afghanistan and then that same day when I went to work I met this guy who told me he had just returned from being stationed in afghanistan! I'm taking it as confirmation Jesus got my prayer, 1 john 5:14-15 says... This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him

Also I went to the astros game and saw Biggio retire... I was the loser who got teary eyed... His son made a speech and it was prolly the last time I would hear BGO coming from the stands, so now the astros have no bagwell biggio or scott.... :(.... but we still got BRAD Ausmus :)
and with the slow down at work i will be able to go to the texans games!! so excited!!

satan lies..

2008-08-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

Goodness for the last days I have been told numerous times what a dissapointment... failure... uneducated... lazy etc this week and it is really weighing on my spirit each day I try to reinforce Jesus truth but darn devil keeps saying the words each day making them seem fresh and true and I know they are lies but sometimes you want to just have a day where you dont hear the devil say you are ugly and etc, sometimes ya just want to be Jesus lil princess. well thats all the venting Im doing on this. Because I'm going to get me a dose of truth from Jesus and continue walking it out daily, maybe moment by moment today...

Well I didnt get my day off yesterday but I did finish reading the book about sabbath and was feeling the need for a good book to escape into so I go over to Mardel to get this book I wanted from kay arthur and somehow I ended up in the middle of an aisle with 20 books ranging from books on the 12 disciples, informational, study books, devotionals, various fiction... and about 5 books that the people walking by thought i should read. now when I am picking out a new bible I can tear an aisle up and I dont really care cuz I get in the mission for the best fit for me... but a book to pass the time shouldnt be such a struggle. In the end I walked out with a fiction book to escape, a prayer book cuz hey we gotta pray, and a book so I could learn abit. I tell ya this just cuz i thought it was funny to see a girl in a bookstore sprawled out with books everywhere and if you could imagine the strange glances down the aisle, Im sure people who worked there walked by thinking I hope she picks all that up! I think at one point the ones i dint want became a foot rest, head rest and prolly a butt rest.

Well This Sunday.... I get to go to the baseball game... Im so excited!! Then I train someone to take over my position and it is .... GOOD BYE 55 hr work weeks!!! Also at the end of the month im hoping to go to my friends ranch for a weekend of 4 wheelin shootin two steppin and horseback ridin!!

Prayer for tomorrow

2008-08-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

goodness Jesus, You will be in charge. I ask that you take residence in all the decisions I will be making tomorrow.
If you read this... pray I get some of the wisdom Jesus gave Solomon because it is greatly needed.

been awhile

2008-08-07T14:54:00.000-07:00

So I have been learning to not drive myself completely insane with the activities that take over my time. I started reading this book about the sabbath after my church had recommended it. My church always finds ways to show the relevance of old testament scripture in our daily lives and I had never thought about the importance of a good sabbath. I really didnt know what a sabbath was... besides a religous concept that was prolly used by churchy people which I wasn't until recently. Well anyways this book really helped to show me how everyone needs a day to relax and to do all there "get too's" instead of all the "have too's " without getting caught up in the legalism of it all. One thing it showed me was how you dont have to do everything everyday and if ya put somehing off.. you dont have to be hard on yourself for procrastinating because somethings really can wait till tomorrow. I got close to taking control of my day off but it never worked out because i filled the day i had off with a couple of hours of work, school, and yl obligations instead of letting myself be free from work for a day, doing school work before my day off and instead of having Yl obligations i needed some time to just call my girls and spend some good girl time with my yl girls! Sometimes I get caught up in doing 100% and then before i know it im burnt out and feelin like a failure cuz im immediatly lost in a depression that gets 0% productivity. But these last tuesdays I have just enjoyed my "get tos" some of the things i have gotten to do was the zoo with my YL girls, coffee with corrie, bible study with the yl girls, reading on the porch, seeing a rainbow right after some good time with Jesus, shopping in a new store.
So now I hav to work on protecting my sabbath day, My dad constantly calls me with things I have to get done and numerous responsibilities from work. So without being cold hearted to my obligations i need them to be pushed aside for a day. One thing good about figuring this stuff out now is... it will help me when this fall semester comes around and I will be spread real thin between work school younglife bible study. Every night I have something scheduled and 5 out of 7 mornings are filled to the brim. If I feel I need a Sabbath day now!! I will prolly need a sabbath week then!
Another great thing is i have time to just enjoy whatever I want to enjoy... whether its enriching relationships with friends, going to a movie, reading, shooting some skeet, fishin on the pier, cooking from scratch(totally did that today and the third try went very well) or just goin on a date with one of the losers i so easily attract haha
One thing I learned from the book is why God rested on the 7th day of creation. It sounds odd cuz if he doesnt grow weary why does he need a lil mid sit after 6 days of creating?!?! The book explained he was modeling something for us. We spend alot of time trying to work so hard to be like God, to show off to God and here He is coming down on our level and saying "hey put your pride aside and see what has been done" then he models rest. God wants us to work even from the begining of time even before sin Adam had the job of naming animals. Work is actually good for us, just sin changed it to toil and frustration but with Jesus, who defeats all sin we are free to change the way we view work.
One cool thing in resting is that resting is a way to give it to God. To understand if you toke yourself and your prideful spirit out of the equation, life still goes on. God is still God. He i still in control. If he doesnt have to work 7 days neither do we. We have times when we unknowingly and knowingly want to be God and be in control sabbath helps us to remember how the world really is, though we work for 6 days we are reminded on the 7th that even if we fall behind or fail God still is in control. I think it was in Psalms david praised God for keeping his enemies away from him while he slept, In just sleeping we relinquish control, we have to decide God will take care of any situation whether it is someone breaking into the house to do harm or if it is just choosing to let go of unneeded stress that is robbing you of rest.
But ya thats what God and me are workin on these days and im thinking this maybe something to keep my eye on for a long while cuz as we get older more is added to our to do lists

almost made it

2008-07-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

Ok I was so proud of myself when I organized a group for school to meet on a saturday! got up way early and choose timing over starbucks...im so perfect... then im somewhere between 30 min to an hour late and there really was a wreck in a construction zone and construction! ok so almost perfect...Was so glad when the school group ended and i had time to go o the hotel lobby and sit with Jesus and do a lil catching up on school. perfect disciple spendin time with Jesus... ;) So I'm sitting there when I hear this older guy nand this lil girl maybe 3 or 4 talking

the guy: you want to dance with me?

lil girl: ya! (cutest lil voice)

the guy: good cuz i want to dance with you!

lil girl: i want to dance with you!

they were getting ready for a wedding and it was just the two of them hanging out before it was time to head out. They talked briefly about their dance, as he placed the shoes on her feet and fixed her dress. He told her how pretty she looked and the moment he was done.. she twirled!! giggled!! ran a lil and held his hand as they left. walking out I saw him preparing the car as she played and he called her so she wouldnt get dirty...

I thought to myself...What a oerfect picture of all Jesus is to us... On the day when we join Him in heaven united to become His bride... He will not only dance with us.. but adorn us with jewels , He asks beloved can I dance with you I really want to....all the while he prepares are white gown , we squel with excitement in just the "getting ready" process... i have never been married but im sure you want some of your closest, fashionista friends with you and that is who Jesus is to us on that day... Later He walks you down the aisle as you hold his hand excitement bursting, and then joined with your prince the best part comes the play!! I think of wild flowers covering everywhere and just running and playing and laughing and getting to enjoy being beautiful... because as much as i love throwin on a tshirt and jeans.. There is just something about not taking a dress off, especially when it makes ya feel so pretty . If i ever get married feel free to have sympathy on my husband cuz im sure ill spend the wedding night in the dress.... and prolly the next day depending on how much it costs, makes me feel and if my hair still looks good!!

So as my imagination grows I realize i must leave! before ill be late to work.... yay!! i looked at the clock, i arrived on time!! then i realize my camera i was charging at the hotel is still in the wall bummer!! so i must turn around go back through traffic and get the charger ok so maybe im not so perfect.. gotta love gas prices..... and almost gettin through a day like a normal person but if i could do that i sure wouldnt be me! hahah

come away with me my beloved and my friend

2008-07-17T14:24:00.001-07:00

So I had sometime today to actually go into starbucks!! I have been enjoying the modern marvel of a drive thru because I am always on my way somewhere or to do something or there is a song I want to listen to or really.. who wants to look for parking?? So many reasons to just not go in and take a sit down. Well today I went in ordered my drink sat down and for a moment in the corner it was nice somewhat peaceful. I decided to make a run for the car and bring in the devotional corrie gave me And today's verse was about going to a quiet place with God. It was rather convicting because recently my quiet times have been anything but quiet. Sometimes when I go through something hard I start stacking the bricks to put the wall up right in between me and Jesus. I dont get it quiet cuz i think on some level I dont want to hear I did something wrong. I think that also goes along with when people are harder on me then normal and I think on some level God will be like them, But He is not and thinking that is just wrong and putting up a brick wall after he built a bridge over the chasm of sin is just rude. So forgive me Jesus, and we will get a better date after work. It is amazing how quickly I get free tme and fill it with something for me or someone else and leave out time just simply being with Jesus. He enjoys us so much and He has a work in us to finish so lets not forget God has feelings also. I do not wish to take for granted that the creator calls me beloved, and calls me friend and comes to me. Because when that is taken for granted I think we will give up meeting with him and nourishing that relationship.

life is hard God is good

2008-07-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

Goodness this last week has just been sucky! Every morning I woke up sick, sounded like a man, then my puppy who was 15 almost 16 years young passed away, which might not sound like a big deal but my heart was surely broken over it. Been going through some nice denial and tears over it and was ready for some much needed Jesus Community on Sunday and of course I spend the whole day puking my brains out! School work has pilled sky high with the add on of more hours at work and my day off is spent doing school YUK! It has just been one of those seasons. Well at least God is near and the good thing is that sometimes He is quiet sometimes he is just there. sitting with you while you cry your tears and say what ya gotta say. Then comes the time ya gotta get up. so with a gentle pull from Jesus to get out of bed ya know he says get goin its a new day and I have made it and you beloved are here to enjoy it.

AMAZED!!!

2008-07-06T21:26:00.000-07:00

My goodness GOD IS SO GOOD!!! Wow after church I was just busting.... there are just those times your so hungry for the word and fellowship of believers and God pours out His spirit in abundance and it so amazing.... So went to church, SCHOKING cuz i had to talk my dad into allowing me to get off work so i could go!!! But there I was at the Lord's supper ( which was cool cuz i had never done it as a member of my church) and felt Him call me to the front and I took a moment to decide. It is such a long walk to the front, but goodness the prayers that are annointed by the holy spirit and as I ask my God for wisdom I walk from the service to run into a friend I say something and my mind says crap i was too bold or something... I gotta catch that tongue... but she received it with Joy and I know it was not my words, I used to be and still moments that I am a little afraid to give all of me.... mouth, ears, feet etc to Jesus but as the girl who prayed over me asked that God would bring confirmation, God sure delivered when the Holy spirit taking over my tongue to speak into another's life.

How great to find one's identity in the voice of the savior

another day

2008-07-05T09:26:00.000-07:00

Another day with people who betray you in an instant, Another day with people giving you hard work and diligence. Another day with people searcing for their own good and leaving behind the good of their children to pursue that which wont last. Another day of people caring for orphans. Another day looking at kids in hospital beds ravaged by cancer. Another day watching busy people live their lives for the widows. Another day of drug dealers pulling 12 yr olds into a life of instant money and lasting pain. Another day of mothers crying out to Jesus for the good of their children. Another day of people asking questions and not listening to answers. Another day with a curiosity of something more bringing them to Jesus. Another day people resisting the truth because lies have comforted them. Another day of fighting the lies with the trth. Another day of the "good ones" not looking much different from the "bad ones" Another day of the worst of the worst falling to their knees in need. Another day with the stresses of this fallen world. Another day filled with God's Grace, love and presence.

Everyday is good and we should rejoice, maybe today is hard but God is still good still on His throne and still working for the good of those who love Him. God is clear when He says in the Bible we will all grow together until the end. When He seperates the ones who love Him and those who dont because if he seperates them prior to that time the one who love him may be unrooted by the weeds.

maybe it will take 48 times of hearing Jesus to listen to Him but each time they hear they are unknowingly closer to the day when hey listen to His voice calling them home. I woke this morning feeling rather defeated by doubt. Wondering if those I put my time in will run astray, but im reminded it is not by my efforts that anyone be saved or that anyone be changed, it is God who calls, Jesus who makes the way and the Holy spirit who equips them. and I just keep walking it out daily with Him, in a ravaged world but by His strength and His will I have been appointed and to not waste away I must keep pressing forward, helping the body in anyway that He calls me, and with joy i imagine knelling before Him with only me, with all my talents have been wasted for his glory, my time, my energy, my money all given in the name of the one who called me. and glory to him he doesnt do anything without purpose. For when much is given much is expected and if we do nothing with what God has given he will take it and give it to those who will use what has been given.

This life is a rollercoaster and we must learn to enjoy the ride.

home sweet crap!

2008-07-01T17:32:00.000-07:00

Home from the best week ever.... to find not much here has changed... which is always hard to adjust to but... I have changed, hopefully continually, and not become complacent with this world and its ways... Goodness after a week at frontier, my body is so tired... I jump in the shower to realize my body is too tired to stand, i smell of something furocious, and my eyes are seeing double, my neck is tense and my back is filled with knots.. quickly the devil comes to steal and to say it was not worth it, to point out what has gotten messed up while i was gone. And even quicker i smile because I know I would do it all over again, I would go twice as far, twice as high, scrape my knees one more time, get another set of bruises, get less sleep, work harder, pray more without ceasing, get another elbow to the eye, do another test on a mountain (gotta love school) Because watching God move, as the ones He has redeemed stand to say so... is greater then anything else. to watch them search wholeheartedly, to listen to the sounds of crackling bibles and to be a part of his instant salvation and His constant journey of refining them like silver is definitly my greatest joy and I pray God never takes away the privelage of watching Him work.

God did give me a great gift of my parents not being home, i could crank up the music and have some great alone time with my amazing savior.

now on to being productive in school.... poop.... maybe Jesus would like to work on my speech :) cuz heaven knows i would rather not

goodness Jesus

2008-06-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

Wow!! the days before i leave for camp are always crazy!! Like when my car runs out of gas so i get out of the car and sit in ants! 2 cops and a tow truck decide to stop as my face grows red at the fact im doing the ants in your pants dance in the street!! so i was told I couldnt go to campI was so bummed and then this girl i dont really know gave me a note written on a starbucks napkin, a prayer saying something like... blessings and find peace in Jesus~amen How good is our God that he would choose to cheer us up and now im getting to go to my favorite place on earth!! Im so happy I cant wait, im super bummed 2 people i really wish were there wont be there but Jesus still has time to get them on the bus! well lots to do and Pray if ya read this that eyes be opened weakness be turned to strength and God be the focus glory to His name!!!

Hospital

2008-06-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

So i have begun an internship at a hospital and goodness is it an adventure. To look into the faces of children who are in a very unfun place for who knows how long and to watch theire grumpy faces turn into smiles. It is such an honor to be a part of something that helps them smile. I only go one day a week and i cant wait till next week already!

There was a few times when I thought maybe I shouldnt do it. With school, work, church, being active in friend's lives and in the lives of those young girls i try to be a part of as well as spending a couple hrs a month at a restaurant association.
It would be understandible to not go through the lengthy process of becoming a part of this organization. It would be understandble to take more "me time." It would be understandible to spend more time with any of my other activities or my friends, But the great blessings I got my first night walking thru the hospital is enough to make me do whatever in my schedule to continue being there.

I had to get theire by 530 to get thru security and get my uniform. But at 5 oclock i was leaving school and needing some starbucks to keep my eyes open. I get in construction by starbucks but it was the best iced grande carmel macciato EVER!! and a cop let me thru so quickly! when i got to the security office they said i would have to wait 20 min and i still needed to purchase and change in to uniform! so i leave the security line go get my uniform the girl gives me a 3 times to big shirt and she seemed like it had been a long day so i didnt ask her to change it but after i paid she said to wait and got me a much better size! i rushed to change and made it back to security. right after me is 5 people if i would have gotten in after them I would have had to wait another week before i could come in again! thanks Jesus for the awesome timing! So i made it in time to my place did a lil cuban shuffle.. and of course barked to a bow wow song which went thru out the hospital! The other volunteers were actually nice and normal well as normal as you can be doing the macarena in a jester hat!

Then it was time to go to patient rooms and give out activities and smiles... well hopefully... and this is definitly the part where my heart was broken. Oh my... no wonder our Jesus says to visit those in hospitals. At first the kids are standoffish because they think you are about to poke them and then they realize you arent. I think apart of them is overjoyed by that fact that we are not about to say... "this will only hurt for a second." Some kids had whole towns in there rooms and other rooms you can just feel the lonliness, like a thick cloud just enveloped the room. There hurt and sadness is wrapped around them like a blanket and you want only to feel a lil less helpless in their pain.

we go in the rooms a total of 3 times
one to say hi
two to have a judging of activities
three to give the winners prizes

the hardest part is picking winners. especially when you walk in and they are so excited about the ugliest craft but there dad tells you it is the first time they have smiled all day and start seeing the craft as a lil cuter. we can only pick a certain number of winners and some really need a win cuz things havent been going there way that day and others are so bored and lonely you want them to win so you can have another time in their room if only for a brief minute.

one kid really stole my heart... he looked so tired and grumpy but i told him about how is name was so cool and he got the biggest smile and fought his tiredness till his craft was done. his parents were so excited he did the craft.

as i was on my way to my car.. i passed a guy who looked tired and rough in dimeanor and just looking at his tatoos many would prolly make a quick judgement but when i saw him i noticed he was the guy who helped a lil girl that he knew staying in the hospital. The whole time he was by her side. I noticed he had a cup that came from the hospital cafeteria and knew were things were so he had been there quite sometime. I passed an expressionless man who was built almost like a wrestler. some may make a quick judgement he was mean but he was just tired i had seen him earlier in a tight embrace with his daughter who was in the hospital for a long time and i passed a lady so rushed and scattererd and some might think she needs to slow down but i remember her lil girl going from frowns to smiles and her saying thank you numerous times when she passed.
We must be careful not to judge because you never know where that person might be going or coming from. Or how helpless they feel when looking into their children's eyes. Whne we see people we only see the outside we have no idea the pain, sin, or love they posess inside, all we really know is whoever they are they need a strong God. Who is real and active and who can be near and fill them with strength cuz when they see their child they need to look strong and unafraid. Glory to God he gives strength and peace.

One kid asked before i left if i had any more pipecleaners for his craft, it was my last scheduled time in the room and the guy i was with said no problem he would bring them in. but of course we make it upstairs and do some cleaning and i make my way to my car. Half way home i realize i didnt see my partner take the pipecleaners!! i start calling the hospital He cant finish without the pipecleaners he is making it for his friend and he is tired of tv!! No answer im praying the guy didnt forget and hopin the kid got his pipe cleaners this morning i wake up calling my hospital contacts and leaving voicemails about pipecleaners. I cant mess up royally on my first day!! I still am unsure if pipecleaners made it to his room... :( hopefully they did :)

but i was thinking i dont even know this child. I care more about his pipecleaners then prolly anything else and i dont even know his last name. I prayed hard for him to have something else to capture his mind and for him to leave the hospital soon and i dont even know if i would recognize his face a month from now. And if i a lowly human could feel such compassion How much more our God must care. He is a big God who cares about all the mundane in our lives He is a God of pipe cleaners!! A God of silly crafts and goofy hats!! How much more our God who knows our EVERYTHINGS will love us and our pipecleaners!! we get weighed down that he has seen us sin so much but he has also seen our birth, our 1st bdays, our first smiles, our first praises, our first tears, first heartbreaks, first loves first laughs and in my case my first skinned knee, first third broken arm, first and third broken chin, first and prolly fourth sprained ankle, broken foot (see why the blog is called scatterbrained) so maybe God has seen you fall but He has also seen you get up he cares and he was there and he will always be there.

goodness this must be the longest thing ever!!!!!!!!
if you read this i will give you a cookie!!!! store bought of course

1 john 5:11 And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son

2008-06-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ

Watch this video!

School in the summer!?!?!?

2008-06-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

so... I was thinking tonight about some things that i really fought hard on, with God. I knew God didnt want me where I was, but I could not see. So I struggled and pursued my own motives in hopes God would bless it,that he would give up on what was best and just give me what i wanted in the end by my own means. Looking back on this things I wonder why i didnt just say... here God... as soon as i felt it was what he wanted. Now I dont regret anything. I'm glad the way God has rocked my world.And so glad he has taken time with me. I just hope I will be able to learn to stop wasting time on fighting with God. Because looking back somethings werent even what I wanted at the time. I just really thought I had God's best well maybe not his best maybe more like ill take what he gives me and go from there... I'm sure he doesnt give his best to everyone... It is a sad story when we rationalize ourselves into being ok with things just being ok.

well im looking at the other computer hoping my test submits it has been giving me trouble.... and its due in 5 10 minutes...

Well as i wait im thinking about my dear friend Corrie (hi girl if ya read this) Corrie and some other woman from church julie and kim have decided to go to Africa. I just cant wait to hear all about it! but until then ill be prayin, corrie gave me a bracelet to keep my mind on africa but it has brought some stress, I am constantly playing with it, having to refind it. stressing in bed about how i lost it at work.. prayin i didnt lose it, only to wake up and see it on my night stand! goodness! but it has also had many people ask why i was wearing it and they said they will send prayers also. Goodness I cant wait to be on my own trip but when the opportunity arose, I didnt feel God's spirit saying I should go. So I'm learning the sending aspect of missions, hopefully i can learn this quickly so I can be on the go side of things :)

Im hopin to get good at spanish and get called by Jesus to help build some fresh water wells in mexico!!! along with a dose of the living water!!

well i got to get on todays lil prayer for my corrie... love ya lots girl... Jesus will keep you safe and wise!

God will ya do it??

2008-06-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

Will you God be my everything?
Will i really allow you to take up residence in all the places that already belong to you?
Oh God!!! I hope so, I hope to not get caught up in stuff and stop running the race!
On my way home i was thinking about how God is always exactly who I need Him to be. Not always what I want Him to be but always what i need. Sometimes I would rather God be less holy so i could have less conviction even though I know it is His spirit inside me, that directs me, to righteousness and goodness. Sometimes I desire Him to be a lil smaller so I can understand Him better even though the fact He is so big is so amazing to me. to think of how big galaxy's are and know that same God speaks to me just amazing. Sometimes I wish God be the deliverer in my way, like when I want a deal, relationship, or another person's choices to go my way. But I know when He delivers He really delivers and brings forth the Best!!! He is God and He has all the time in the world and doesn't get fulfillment in just giving us what we think we need to succeed, but really delivers us. and then we are able to succeed at something we never thought possible. It is so awesome the way God just is who he needs to be and in turn we will be exactly what we need to be
when i need peace He is my Jehovah- shalom
when I need to know my place he is my Jehovah-Hoseenu (my maker)
when I need to know he is near he is Jehovah-shammah The lord is present
He doesnt become what I want Him to be and glory to him for that!!! but what I need..and what I need is what He already is!
when I need a friend, my shoulder to cry on, someone to right the wrongs that have been done to me He is my sweet Jesus my strong fortress
The crazy thing is.... He wants to be this!!
He is God He can do it all with out you.... but he doesn't want to!! He longs to be your everything I pray he always be your everything and likewise that he always be my everything, that as I grow older I rely on Him more and not less, that every day i become less dependent on the world and totally dependent on my savior.

Maybe

2008-05-31T14:18:00.000-07:00

so we arent where we want to be.... But glory to God we arent where we used to be!!!

Thank goodness jesus wants to refine us like silver, that though salvation came in an instant, He doesnt expect immediate perfection. we will daily become blameless and perfect if we keep working out our faith day by day till we receive our reward... the the salvation of our souls. which was given through our faith in the almighty. Goodness.... some days im so aware of how im just not there yet!! but glory be to my Jesus when i look at where I used to be... Today is so much brighter.

symphony

2008-05-28T21:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i decided to use my hair straightner. so I turned it on, then so it wouldn't get in anyones way i put it up on the towel dispenser, yes the plastic towel dispenser... awhile later i realized i almost burnt work down, tottally melted the top but nobody knew so it worked out. but this is after a month ago i almost burnt the house down the same way!! well this time i found it in time turned it off! whew! but then after lookin in the mirror I HAD TO turn it back on, cuz my hair was in desperate need of help so after i got myself lookin good... i guesss something shiny caught my eye and i left without turning it off... not a smart idea... luckily this time it landed ut in the sink and my papa found it before i put a dent in the income. goodness I love it when Jesus doesn't light a fire under my mistakes!!! :)

Im sitting here thinking about His word and there was so much I was longing to say in the car on my way to the computer screen or notebook.. but as I sit outside listening to some instrumental music, dogs begin barking but not in the usual annoying way and birds begin to chime in from across the grass, and the dog's chains rattle, ducks quack a weird bird makes an interesting sound i just cant explain, and the tide slowly moves in and out, As i look at the tree that barely moves due to the fact it is one of those muggy nights, with no wind, the leaves seem to be moving just enough to make a tiny noise and a lot of beauty. Goodness As I take all this in I realize the Lord has just brought me the most wonderful symphony.

I was thinking about how the Lord sings over us when we sleep, I always imagined Him vocally singing over me a sweet lullaby, but what if it is more of a symphony, a great orchestra He does have every sound available to Him, and I am sure he sings differently over all of us, I bet some of us who love nature get a multitude of nature songs and those of us who have a mellow spirit get a Jack johnson kinda Jesus and others get a rocker Jesus symphony, I wonder if it fits our moods or if it is correlated to what our mood should be... hmmmm... who knows

such great power in just being still and knowing He is God, He has such an amazing way of being Himself, I get still before Him and I receive rest, and receive joy from His presence and comfort from His will and wisdom I get still before God and I can actually get some things revealed to me.

With all this natureness I am reminded of Romans when it says

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse

Maybe the reason for the world being how it is, is just so God, could be more of Himself. we all want to reach our full potential and maybe the best part of God is His forgiveness and without the fall would we have been blind to the fact that Our God could be even more loving. When this is over we will know how awesome, forgiving, majestic our beautiful Savior is. and we will know there is still more he can do, because all our lives he has defied every box we have tried to contain him in.

Well the beauty of the world shows a bit of his grandness and the pain in the world shows His healing power.

well i am rather tired after a 13 hr day so im going to bed and jesus can continue the symphony with my soul while my body finds rest

so been sayin to Jesus

2008-05-27T14:59:00.000-07:00

So i have been continually saying.. so what if i fail?!?!? I'm going to step it out with ya God. Not really big things just day to day things, if he told me to do something, I just said whether I fail or not I'll go.

And why would this be wrong saying "God if I mess this up.. it's okay?!?" Well this is wrong cuz my shortcomings dont cause failure, my following Jesus doesnt mean failure. And a season of your life ending doesn't mean you have failed.

But it was revealed to me God doesnt fail. 1 john says God is love and throughout His word, He calls His love.. unfailing.

It is not His will that we perish and fail.

I think we just get used to seeing humans fail, so we think we too will fail, we see the wicked and they keep being slanderers and getting what they want, and sometimes what we want, and we say look God is not able to have us be winners. But God is not human and He knows true victory.
So as long as I go forth with Jesus, I'm not going to fail. Before I step forward with Jesus, I dont need to keep a list and say to God this venture failed, so we have failed, or this relationship failed, so we have failed, or say I made wrong choices and failed. Because even if we stumble, we are not lost. Even if we take the senic route we are not of course, as long as we know how to get on our knees before the Author and Perfecter of our faith we will always know how to succeed.

And really I can't think of times where i was knowingly walking with God and was a failure, I have definitly felt i have failed God, but I felt I failed Him when I was running from Him, and even looking back He was loving to me and used what i thought was failures into sweet victory.
It is God who calls us to be righteous and we will be blessed. It is Him who wants to have our enemies be defeated and in turn be stepping stones to Him.

All in all it is Jesus who never fails. Even when the world seeked to kill Him, He was not defeated, even though everyone thought.. He had failed, really the world had just entered a new playing field.

So the next time we say God i will go with you, lets claim victory over the situation. We can be humble and claim victory.

Just now you are only victorious because of who God is in you.
It does God no good for us to be self loathers and think we have done nothing or for us to become full of pride and think Jesus didn't do it all.

Have a wonderful day! well i have hw to do and coffee with a good friend who I cant wait to talk WITH :) guess giving up the bucks isnt going to work out... maybe lata.....

what good is it anyway?!?!?

2008-05-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

What good is it to follow God's rules, if you think he is distant? what good is it to seek his will if you dont think his will shall be good? what good is it to pray if you think he doesn't hear you? why take the time to pray if you believe nothing will change? What good is there in going to church if you get nothing from the preachers teaching? why spend the time in church if you walk out and forget what was taught? why put in so much effort into looking good when ya feel so bad? why do you settle when you knows God's plans our so higher than yours? I just think if you think God isnt there then why pretend like he is?
because if he is there... like his word says
and he judges the heart... like his word says
and the prayers of righteous men aveleth much... like his word says
and he is faithful as his word says
then He is tired of your double mindedness, your pretending and you are probably wearing yourself out with the burden of perfection
So do as His word says seek, knock wholeheartedly search for Him and if you dont find him and you wish not to believe then fine live as a nonbeliever
but if in your search He opens the door as His word says
and you find His love, keep searchin cuz you will find His acceptance, and then keep searchin cuz you will find His Comfort, and keep searchin cuz you will find Him Holy, and realize you have just approached and found the Most High God and He has come to call you friend and lay down His life, so that you may have life and have it more abundantly. But i beg of you once you find a lil of God, go for the whole thing because you will become more and more satisfied by Him and less satisfied with all those things that didnt last and never will.

They are so stubborn in the morning :)

2008-05-22T07:45:00.000-07:00

As the morning begins with a run, Starbucks and Jesus how could it have been more perfect.... maybe if i wouldn't have had a lil blackout haha oh well it brought me to Jesus a lil more weary, which means He has plenty of room to do whatever he wants becuz believe me my resistance was low today. Matthew 11:28 come to me all who are weary and burdened and i will give you rest,
So this morning I was thinking about how it really sucks when people you care for, screw ya over and intentionally do it! It saddens my heart for various reasons but the worst is the fact; that people let sin put such a heavy load on them and they are filled with a continual lust for more! Jesus says in Matthew 18:15 if your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault just between the 2 of you. If He listens you have won him over, it then goes on to say all the chances the brother has to change his ways and if they still dont listen to u, the witnesses or the church then treat them as a pagan or tax collector. interesting a pagan and a tax collector are treated the same. Jesus deals rather harshly with those who choose to go with the thief, the one who comes to steal, kill and destroy. I just don't understand how they can not see the goodness in Jesus and His ways. I guess it all depends on our choices. And our willingness to see what we are looking at. I saw Narnia, Prince caspain last night Such a good movie!! I love all the spiritual analogies, It reminded me how Jesus can always be there but if we our wrapped up in ourselves and what we feel we must do, alone, we will keep missing his face.
I think my fav part was when the dwarf was talking about the humans and was saying how stubborn they are in the morning, We wake up ready to resist whatever the day may bring even though Jesus has been singing over us through the night, I also loved when Aslan said why did them not believing keep you from coming to me?? If they all fall away from Jesus, they find the mention of Him annoying and call you crazy and whatever else persecution comes after you... will you still say, Here am I. Send me??? will you still sing praises??? Will you still hold on to His living and active word???

goodness Jesus what next

2008-05-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

What is the deal with today???

goodness today was a lil weird, i sat down on the couch and turned my head too fast and now i have killer pains in my neck! Then I got a peice of tiny glass in my finger OUCH and then some guy was like can i tell you a joke.. and i said ok IF it was good meaning not dirty, meaning no sexual inuendos, OH goodness! Needless to say i walked away feeling like i needed a bath both physical and spiritual, goodness Jesus where do I find these people???!!? Like the guy who told me his myspace name and how quickly it can turn into triple 6's or the other guys who have used demon type pick up lines, ugh! should i put i sign on me that says if not Jesus lover dont plan to take me out?!?! Maybe all this is happening cuz i gave up starbucks?!?!

Blah days

2008-05-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

goodness some mornings are just blah, had some time with Jesus, got rest, got plenty to do and i get in the car and my first thought is ksbj, O no not in the mood and as im continuing the drive i realize even though all the music on the other stations are not what im in the mood for either, I realize im really fighting putting on ksbj... Why?? I dont know... And its odd cuz Jesus and I had such a good night together and i woke up and read my bible and the next thing i know im disgusted by christian radio stations, now i listen to a variety of music but today i was takin the Jesus music out of the equation. It is times like this, when we just fight the goodness we know. We need to stop and give ourselves a lil check up. Why am I fighting this? why does this feel like blah?? I have found the best remedy is to praise God, In this situation praising him was done with my off tune voice and God inhabits the praises of His people and as i welcome his presence, my eyes can become fixed on Him again, instead of what song I want to listen to, what i would rather be doing or whatever is on my mind that isnt keeping me fixed on Jesus. Is it wrong to wakke up and put on some good ole texas country but drinkin and the river... no i dont think so.. but if we are takin out the good and filling it with anything else there is a problem, so when we see these problems coming we must stop and get a lil more daily bread from Jesus.

Even though we know God is everywhere and we ultimately desire to meet with Him. And we know when we search we will find Him when He comes searching fo rus we run and hide, like Genesis when God comes asking where are you and Adam and Eve, run because of their sin. we still do the same thing!!
the pslamist says (paraphrased) Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit, When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long, but i confessed my iniquities to you and You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.but the LORD's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. Rejoice in the LORD and be glad

Even though we know we are wasting away when we try to cover and hide our sins we still do it and then wonder why God seems dstant, But if we desire Him to be closer we just need to get down on our knees and welcome him. We are mightily deceived when we see Him as a taker of our fun and not a supplier of the good. and when it is all said and done i would much rather be fighting my flesh with Jesus then trying to fight against my Jesus with my flesh.

Rejoice and Peace

2008-05-15T15:17:00.000-07:00

Dude, I just absolutely love the way God will reveal himself thru so many different ways and then connect it all thru scripture!! So amazing,

So the other day I'm just beside myself in tears, about a loved family member who doesnt know God, he was so harsh to me, and I did yell at him which wasnt good but after I thought i had tried so hard, so i was like well Gid I guess He will just stay unsaved UGH wretched thought! I took it from my mind, because I desire them all to know the truth of who their God is. well as God is helping me peiece this together, a random text from a person from a bible study i used to go to said luke 17:5 which reads Jesus command to his apostles ~Increase your faith!~ Oh how we constantly think of God, just not big enough, It is us who is not asking big enough, he gives the power for a righteous man's prayer to aveleth much, but we just dont put our faith there. we dont put our faith where our God is. Our big prayers are not crazy our little prayers are probably much more crazy in God's eyes. So as with this scripture I must increase my faith, as we all should as we see friends turning from god, when we see people who seem like they will never care about Jesus, when our world is in pain, when our loved ones are in pain we must increase our faith in our Jesus!

God spoke to me the other day, as I have been deciding on many situations. Whether to walk away or step forward. To turn left or right or run straight or stay still or run far away or embrace it all.. I was thinking about the eternal peace of God, a radio program was speaking about this peace, about how even when there is such craziness when we know God we will have peace. I have thought about many decisions I have made in the past. And wonderfully that everyone of those decisions I made God's way and followed His truth was followed instantly with God's peace. now with all this im directed by a friend to read
phililipians 4:4-6
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So much truth in those words of God, So let us rejoice for our God is so good. If we would just fill our time in rejoiceing in GOD we wouldnt have time to be thorns in others sides. O children, HE IS NEAR. we dont need to be anxious and filled with anxiety because we have prayer and petition and a God who is near you will speak and he will listen (1 john 5:14- 15) for everything bad, there is God's goodness, goodness we cant even understand and the peace of God that is far beyond our comprehension, we can kind of feel it, but even then we dont have the complete fullness of His peace, we cant even explain it to others when we feel it , some times I make a decision and i even wonder if i did the right thing but then i feel that deep down peace of Jehovah shalom that says child, my sweet beloved I am near and follow me, walk with me and you shall not be led astray.

God guard our hearts and minds as verse 6 says how crazy that it is God's peace that guards us. i could go on forever but once again work calls...

Glory in the highest

2008-05-07T10:01:00.000-07:00

I'm here at work inputting invoices and as Chris Tomlin"s song Glory in the highest comes on, I was so moved, I had to just lift my hand to praise Him, while prolly messing up the numbers :)

O how nothing compares to God, the merciful compassionate Lord. It is not so much that He even gets the glory but that HE deserves it! He is completely worthy to receive glory and glory in the highest. Oh how I desire he gets it!! I know he will. His altars should be on the high places and he should be in the high place of our lives, the highest places. our inner places of our souls and our physical lives! How amazing it is how at any moment God can just pierce your heart, penetrate your soul, and leave you wanting more of Him and yet here I am so satisfied and longing. O the many paradoxes of our God!! It is so unfathomable that He can be almighty and amazing creator and then have such an ability to humble himself! He is the beginning and the end of everything and definitly the beginning of my life and the end of me! at the same time. I just love Him so. O how I hope my life gives him the glory in the highest!!! Because He is not just the most worthy but the only thing worthy!!

ahhhhh

2008-04-15T21:46:00.000-07:00

I want tham all so badly to know JESUS, to hunger for His word. To know He is real. So much more than anything else. That they will know the joy of knowing the savior. That their minds would be filled with Him. I hear words friends say and the way they live and im saddened that they dont see God as worthwhile, I know Jesus can reveal Himself in anyway at a perfect time. but goodness! why must we persist in settling for only what this world has!! when so much grace has been offered!

Tomorrow will be such a long day, How God keeps getting me through these days with sanity... I dont know! Every hour of the day litterally has something important in it! school work ministry, church, like right now i am being super unproductive.

What is up with this settleing crap?!?!? i know some amazing woman who desire for the Lord but choose men who dont! and I am guilty of this too, we all are, but sometimes i think we arent even trying to find something better for our lives, we will take any guy who says sweet words, any job that pays enough, any way of life that makes us feel good for the moment. It is so easy to say boys! Rise up! stop degrading the nicely dressed business woman walking by you (2 guys at school, 2 different days, 2 different girls, and not little looks!) but really maybe it is us woman who should Rise up! and say what it is we will and wont stand for, If we dont go after Godly men but only the ones we know are bad for us... what does that do to the Godly ones??? Why do we know God is capable of doing far more than we imagine but are big prayers , are called crazy?? Why is it we want better jobs and we dont leave the security of one, when we know God has clearly paved a better way? We need higher expectations of ourselves, not to be prideful or self righteous but to know we are worthy because God sent His son to die for us! So let us live as who we are in Christ Jesus!

I long to know Jesus deeper and to be able to run after all He has for me
but more I desire that those I love know His love His greatness power mercy might OH HIS LOVE!!!!!!!

His love that is so amazing His perfect love that casts out fear
His love is not human love and that is so refreshing

God works it all out

2008-04-14T09:34:00.000-07:00

So I start the night before, preparing to have an amazing next day.
little did i know...

Friday morning I would wake up to find out the alarm either didnt get set or i turned it off in the middle of the night. So, after rushing out the door I forget half of my stuff turn around and try to restart the day and as i throw on my praise music and try not to stress, I hear on the radio a huge wreck will cause me to be even later! Of course, im goin to be late for the class i had just spoken to the teacher, about how I will do my best to be a better student so i can pass!!! coming in late does not show seriousness!! I didnt even get my coffee that morning!! for coffee addicts we know this is a big deal and even bigger.. I didnt have a quiet time with Jesus, You should start feeling sorry for anyone who had to talk with me that day!
But little did I know that Jesus was working in my favor, my mom noticed i had forgotten my stuff and my dad was able to meet me half way, i didnt get homemade coffee but starbucks was open, and noone in line but me! I didnt get to class at the right time but when i got to class the teacher hadn't taken role. And by the time i ot on the road with the wreck i had missed traffic cuz of all my backtracking and coffee stop. My christian radio station was totally playing all my favorite praise songs! and glory to God that He inhabits the praises of his people! So i know he was jammin in that car with me!
So well before 830 am God had already sent me, what seemed like so many ways to stress, and had already planned ways to work things for my good.
Of course then the day progressed and I hit a lady wih my car! I had plans to leave town in moments! i had people waiting on me to pick them up across town! as soon as i feel I got on track.. bam! i missed a test or a quiz but did all my hw which doesnt get ya any closer to improving a quiz ya just bombed! or a test ya just missed!! discouragement seemed to hang all over me!
But my God to the rescue! The lady was super nice, her car had only a minor scratch, that mon I payed the dealership and she was so glad i got it done so quick she said i didnt need to get her a rental car! she called on my way to pay for the rental car! (God timing) Even though I was greatly criticized for my car hitting ability. I got some great encouragement that came from other people and so random ( God showin some lovin)
And I missed a test but the teacher gave me extra assignments to help the grade, and the quiz i bombed had a curve so yeah!!

It is crazy to me the things that God and I go through, my cousin told me one day that Jesus made me scatterbrained to show He had humor, and that He knows I will always love Him regardless of the trials of life, so He might as well get a laugh at me running around like a chicken with my head cut off! and if i get the joy of making anyone laugh i would rather it be Jesus.

Goodness, I am glad that whether good or bad your circumstances will change, and glory to God when your out of the pit you can see so much more and do so much more, then when you are trapped at the bottom unless you are only looking up cuz then ya can see Jesus so clearly when ya look up from the pit.

Sick and Tired bein Sick and Tired

2008-04-14T09:33:00.001-07:00

Ya know when ya just get fed up with tiredness, just bored with things just being idle. Ya know whats real annoying when ya want to do something but you are just too tired, I was readin in matthew 11:28 that the Lord says come to me all who are weary and heavy burened and I will give you rest.
How cool, that it is Jesus, who will be the one to give us rest! Even more imprortant, i read that this rest is actually a rest from weariness. heres the definition for weariness
1 : exhausted in strength, endurance, vigor, or freshness
2 : expressing or characteristic of weariness 3 : having one’s patience, tolerance, or pleasure exhausted —used with of
Jesus comes to give us rest from our weariness.
Jesus comes to give us these things
He comes to bring us freshness, vigor, He gives us the pleasure that has been exhausted!! and to take away that characteristic of weariness.
But first we must come to Him, and then He will give us rest and not just sleep.
There have been many times when no matter how long I sleep, I dont rest. My mind is clogged with all forms of stress, then before i know it at even my dreams become just a countiuation of the days problems, activities, and or stuff That I need to get away from.
Sometimes we just need a break from being exhausted! I think with all that people do, there is never a time to break from something, Like when you have a pressing issue in your life and you constantly can’t get your mind away from the situation.
Come to God and you will get a break! A break that fuels you on to continue with perserverance. You will be recharged.

Glory to God

2008-04-14T09:32:00.001-07:00

The Great thing about the Lord is He is not only present in a section of our lives, He doesn’t just deal with our hurts or just deal with the good stuff. He is the great I AM. So if there is nothing He can not do and He lives in you, then there is nothing you can not do.
Jesus and His followers are able to have alot in common. The only difference is He was God in the flesh and we are not God. Jesus was able to do all that he did because he was so ready to spend time with God, He was ready to ask God for help and He was ready to be obedient to God. So all we need to do is spend time with God, ask God for help and be obedient to Him.
So with all this being true and completely banking on the fact that nothing is impossible with God and that we are more than conquerors. Nothing in God’s will, will be impossible for us.
Now I know beyond anything else that though my life is filled with wrong turns and mistakes, I should always posses the posture of an arrow pointing to my love, which is Christ Jesus. So How will I give glory to my God? How will I and you be arrows?
The fact is we must show people Jesus through love. and we are called to be the light of the world, reflecting the glory of God. When you are a christian, ya gotta step it up. You must bring His name glory.
So regardless of if it is school, work, activities, and various relationships we need to make a decision to bring glory to our God through our actions which will inturn point an arrow towards the Lord.
In school and work we need to show glory not always by making an A, but making an effort, winning our teachers to Christ ,by showing we see there job as important and our job as a student important. In work we must show the authorities over us, we are able to complete the responsibilities of our work. In our activities and our relationships we need to be proactive, not letting small problems be turned into problems that destroy relationships or problems that burden our soul. People need love and it is our duty to give it to them. So let us make time for our activities that bring us happyness and let us invest in all our relatonships regardless of how close or "good" of a friend they are.
Well I know that when we open the various areas of our lives to be changed by God, good will come from it. There is no where He can go in our lives that will not be positively impacted.
So as we walk through our day, lets bring the love of Christ with you so the world will not see you as the way to Christ but know the way to Christ.

got bored.... did a blog

2008-04-11T13:14:00.000-07:00

am so utterly amazed, that i cant even say with words what I feel, when i think of my savior, my God and my best friend, O the keeper of my heart! how greatly I love Him. I know I have found joy in him because I have given up earthly loves, just to be able, to move closer to His presence. He fills me in ways special only to us. yet i long to express them to you, in such away that you would believe in Him and know Him, for His desires are that you would know and believe Him! O but even my best try is so much lower then even a glimpse of Him, how can the created explain the creator?!?!? All I know is I was so lost and wrapped up in what I thought was everything and He saved me from lies, deception, hurt, self pain and just an utter darkness... Glory to God that im saved! I have so much further to go, so many aspects of my life I know He will change and i dont wish to boast that He loves me but He does and I know that if He can love me in my rebellious ways WOW how much love he has for you. He sent his son to die before you knew Him! It saddens my heart so greatly when I hear of how different christians are to their Christ, if we could just love like he loved, things would be so different, people would see christians and hunger for the Lord, but more often then not a christian is at the root of their problems and not because they speak the truth but because they speak truth without love and God does everything in love.
He is love,
I talk to people and they say how is it manda he could love me?!?!? it is in the simple and yet unfathomable fact that He does and He is not human, He sees more of you than anyone else and thank God litterally that
He loves you in the mist of your denial
He loves you in the midst of your hoplessness
He loves you in the midst of your unbelief
and in those times when your heart is set on Him He loves you!
I have fallen from where I should be so many times and the Lord has turned my heart upside down, inside out and He has reached down to the depths of my soul and he severed ties that i wanted to keep but He never let go, He never went away, I would leave the path I would run from every aspect of Him because I desired this world but heaven knows my deepest and strongest desire was just that my God would look on me with love and as he has taken me from place to place, I found my fortress, my sheild, my rest and my rock.